Media

Hurricane Howley Upgraded To A Category 5 Twitter Storm

This weekend was the calm before the storm.

The calm, that is, before Hurricane Howley touched down in Washington Monday morning.

“I’m back bitches!” wrote Big League Politics founder Patrick Howley, formerly of Breitbart News and The Daily Caller,

On Friday, he had drinks with friends. On Sunday, he watched the Patriots game. All signs that things were going swimmingly in Howley’s world. Or at least free of major turbulence.

But by Monday, the winds were howling, ripping off barn doors and blowing at 150 miles per hour.

Locked out of his Big League Politics Twitter feed, he took matters into his own hands and created a new one.

My inbox was flooded. “Howley is back!” reporters shrieked.

“In rehab?” one joked.

“No,” I replied. “On Twitter.”

“Back where?” asked another.

Howley vacated Twitter in 2016 while at Breitbart News just as then-businessman Donald Trump became the presumptive GOP nominee. He said Deputy Political Editor Amanda House and Washington Political Editor Matthew Boyle had mandated him off the medium. He has no beef with them — he still bros it out with Boyle, attending Nats games and the occasional strip club. He understands House had to do what she had to do.

Over the weekend, Howley became enraged at The Weekly Standard‘s Editor-at-Large Bill Kristol and began tweeting unkind things about the size of his genitalia from the Big League feed.

When I asked why, Howley replied, “He’s just an evil human being. He’s on the side of the deep state.”

Howley retweeted a meme involving Kristol performing fellatio. He said he did it in the name of free speech, but stressed that he has he never actually seen Kristol’s manhood. “I was tweeting about Bill Kristol’s small dick,” he said. “I can just tell by his personality.”

But it wasn’t just Kristol. “It was other things,” Howley said. “It was a lot of profanity. I don’t quite remember. I called somebody a pussy and a weenie. Just a stranger. But see, look, the point here is Big League Politics is going to be a professional operation. But if I feel the need to go full Howley, I should just keep my own account.”

He claimed Big League Politics‘ President and COO Neil McCabe knocked him off the Big League’s Twitter feed. Reached by phone, McCabe is still on Army Reserve duty and declined to comment. He officially begins Oct. 1.

“McCabe and I are tick and tack,” he told The Mirror. “I’m the tick. We’re going to balance each other out. Maybe it was a good decision. He’s going to reign me in on Twitter and I’m going to push him to do cool shit. Our traffic continues to be excellence because I’m great.”

Howley’s new Twitter feed is called @HowleyReturns. So far it has 11 followers.

His third tweet sounded pretty threatening: “I will do nothing but tweet dank shit from this account until I am restored to admin at account. Those are my terms.”

In his new feed, Howley doesn’t go after anyone specifically except for WaPo‘s Dave Weigel. “Dave Weigel is an extremely unattractive person, physically,” he wrote.

He’s up to 25 tweets, so I can’t bring you all of them, but I will give you the Top 6.

6. “I almost exclusively enjoy the company of African-American women. I went black and never went back.”

5. “I once saw a prominent Washington liberal reporter grabbing an old blind woman’s ass on the Metro, but it appeared to be consensual.”

4. “I know more about the sex lives of Washington insiders than anyone, and I will spill all.”

3. “If they smear you in Washington as ‘crazy,’ ya gots to just roll with dem punches, amirite dawg?”

2. “I drink vodka for breakfast and even I can figure out why The Swamp wanted me squuezed out, but lo and behold I came back stronger.”

1. “The MSM can eat my ass. I’m a trailblazer at tripping up you fools.”

“It does feel good to be back,” The Howlz told me by phone when I reached out to him.

He said he’s going to have a bunch of people theme-tweeting as him. At the moment there is a “black guy” tweeting as him. There will soon be “country western Howley.”

He added, “McCabe is bringing order to my crazy.”

About a half hour passed. Howley was on the horn for a second time. “I was not locked out,” he said, breathlessly of the Big League Politics feed.

WHAT?

“I forgot the password,” he said.

Had Hurricane Howley been downgraded to a tropical storm?

I tried to remain calm as Howley spun a fanciful tale.

“You don’t expect me to believe your fibbing, Howley,” I said without raising my voice.

He immediately began laughing hysterically.

“It was a good try,” he said when he finally came up for air.