Entertainment

I’m Afraid I Might Be Losing My Crusade Against One-Piece Swimsuits

I’m starting to wonder if my crusade against the cancer of one-piece swimsuits is a losing battle.

I knew this mission was going to be tough. The chances were daunting. I pursued because heroes don’t care what the odds for victory are in a righteous fight. As Han Solo said, “Never tell me the odds.”

It’s safe to say things aren’t going well at all. For a time I thought I had made some substantial impact. It looked like more and more models were opting for bikinis. Victory felt like it was close.

Things are no longer so certain. The one-piece swimsuit is creeping back, and we might have anarchy on our hands pretty soon.

I’ve made it crystal clear that I’m the biggest advocate for the rights of hot women on the planet. They obviously have the freedom to choose a one-piece swimsuit over a bikini, but why would they?

Going with a one-piece is like choosing to be a doctor over an NFL quarterback. You can be successful either way, but what kind of person wouldn’t prefer NFL quarterback?

If I go down in the this battle before I am capable of pulling out a victory, just remember that I gave it my all when nobody else would. Props to me for carrying this banner into battle.

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