You Can’t Really Celebrate Christmas Without Getting A New Gun

David Hookstead | Reporter

There are few traditions better than getting a new gun every Christmas.

I do several things every single December. I head back to the frozen tundra of Wisconsin, spend time with family, put on a Christmas dinner for the community, watch the Badgers football team play in a really good but not great bowl game, watch the Detroit Lions break my heart, watch the movie “Miracle” and load up on weapons and ammunition.

The last part might seem a bit weird for most people when it comes to Christmas, but I think stockpiling guns over the holiday season is what separates us from the rest of the world. You think they’re buying AR-15s in London right now? No chance in hell.

I typically open some gifts, set aside the weapons and ammo, throw up some targets and then proceed to spray so much freedom over the course of the next few days that Kim Jong Un himself would piss himself.

I’m very well aware that there are countries other than America that celebrate Christmas. But how many of those countries also have the freedom to dump thousands of rounds within minutes of opening gifts? None. What is the point of having all this awesome freedom if we never use it?

The only question I have for myself at this point is, what gun am I going to get this year? I’m leaning heavily toward a Sig MPX.

I’m not sure I’m entirely sold it on yet. A vintage M1 might catch my eye in the store and we’ll end up having a totally different conversation.

Either way, I can guarantee all of you that come sunrise every day for about three weeks it’s going to sound like a war broke out on the estate. It’s going smell and sound a like freedom.

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