As most Americans know well, emotions run high this week. People tend to tweak out during the second week of February. Why, you might ask? Let’s assess.
There’s a biting cold across the country. Even Hawaii got snow. Though it’s shorter, February is a cold grey month with not much relief. The flu is rampant. There’s no sun. No fun holidays. And to make matters worse, football is over. Sure, the Winter Olympics are on, but to most people, it’s a sobering reminder that they will never achieve greatness. “What a loser,” you might say to yourself through a mouthful of lukewarm lasagna leftovers, as you sit on the couch and watch elite downhill skiers make minor mistakes. And suddenly, you are reminded that it’s not Lindsey Vonn who’s the loser. It’s you.
On top of all that, Valentine’s Day is this Wednesday, and you (probably) don’t have a sweetheart. Not one person has asked to be your Valentine and you’re a little worried that merlot you bought this weekend may go unshared. What a shame.
You open Twitter to see what people are saying about the upcoming speed skating heats, just to take your mind off Valentine’s Day. When suddenly a jarring video pops up in your newsfeed.
Two thieves have gone viral for robbing a Costco in Pacoima, CA this week. And they’re not ripping Costco off for jumbo coffee pods or their reasonably priced sheet cakes. They’re going straight for the jewelry.
Just experienced the craziest shit wtf pic.twitter.com/koFjyDpjjO
— MaryyJanee (@ariesmoonn) February 12, 2018
“They were hitting the glass where the jewelry was, where the rings were,” one witness, told local news station KTLA. “So the glass is shattering – and they were just throwing stuff into a bag.”
The rings. Those diamond rings. You know the ones. Your ex-wife always used to steal glances at them when you went out for those annoying bimonthly Costco runs. She’d always mention how beautiful they were. You recall a time she made a snide comment about the engagement ring you got her, and how much prettier the ones at Costco were. And for a second, you empathize with the thieves.
Then, as the Olympics return from a commercial break, you snap out of it. Those robbers deserve zero sympathy. Even violent thieves have valentines this year. They aren’t heroes. They only hero is that one man that pushed the shopping cart into them, hopefully badly bruising their ankle bones.
Plus, we all know the real treasure of Valentine’s Day isn’t diamonds, romance, or merlot. It’s that half priced candy that hits shelves on February 15th.
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