Turns out Jim Acosta and myself are both celebrating birthdays today, and it’s kind of killed my buzz.
Jim Acosta, who is now 47 years old, is the worst. The CNN correspondent desperately wants to be famous, but instead has just become kind of a joke that yells questions when nobody is asking him to speak. The man sucks. He also takes some of the weirdest photos you’ll ever see.
Ladies and gentlemen, you can’t imagine my horror, shock and disappointment when a coworker shared the news with me that Acosta and I were born on the same day. I have spent a lifetime cultivating an image and reputation that speaks for itself whenever I’m in the room. Plus, I also share this great day with certified smoke show Jennifer Garner. You think we got to the top of the mountain by being like Jim Acosta? Absolutely not.
I spent a life learning how to be a man and a winner. Acosta has spent a life learning how to be rude, interrupt people and think everything is about himself.
What would happen if people thought Acosta and myself were similar because of a shared birthday? I shudder with the fear of what could happen. My reputation could be ruined forever. A lifetime of beers, burgers and morally bankrupt decisions would be thrown away, and people might start thinking I’m a smug selfie-loving dude from CNN.
The spin here is that April 17 would be a day of national disgrace if only Acosta was born on it. Luckily, Jennifer Garner and myself have saved it and made up for him being a complete joke. Props to us.