Under the watchful, wondering eye of Joe Biden, 2022 was an awful year. The stock market went down over 20%, rates went up, and nothing — and I mean nothing — got better.
Let’s take a moment and reminisce about the year we just endured.
- Atlanta held a daily contest in which the winner got an Apple laptop. It went to the person who could outrun the mall cop at Lenox Square Mall in the 100-yard dash to accomplices in his waiting getaway car.
- A massive cold snap gripped Atlanta last week. It was so severe it delayed over 100 murders.
- Hunter Biden came to the White House for the Holidays. Now that the GOP has taken the House and plans to investigate the Bidens, they all stood around their burner phones to stay warm.
- Crime was also bad in San Francisco. Remember when Nancy Pelosi left her husband Paul alone and he welcomed an intruder into their home? At first it was not much of a crime until Paul let the guy in the house and then the intruder forced his way into the back door.
- I endured the most inept and rude checkout clerk this year. That will be the last time I do self-checkout at Publix.
- Tom Brady may have had the worst year of his life. Shilling for crypto and Sam Bankman-Fried, he might lose more money than he lost in his divorce. He gave up his wife and a lot of money for his love of football. At 45, he is the only guy drafted both in the NFL and Vietnam drafts.
- It was a bad year for bitcoin. The difference between a crypto trader and a pigeon? A pigeon can make a deposit on a BMW.
- It was not a good year for great athletes. Herschel Walker had a bad year, losing a Senate race he should have won. Herschel “jumped the shark,” then knocked it up.
- Leonardo DiCaprio (age 48) broke up with a series of much younger, 20-something women. It happened in the same last year that his blockbuster Titanic celebrated its 25-year anniversary. With Titanic now 25 years old, Leonardo decided he no longer wanted to be in it.
- Sam Bankman-Fried may end up being the guiltiest financial criminal since Bernie Madoff. He took money from gullible investors and also donated a lot to Democrats for political cover. He will likely spend 40 years in prison, but the good news is that he will likely be out in time for Cher’s farewell concert tour.
- With forced, stay-at-home COVID protocols and teachers’ unions insistence on Critical Race Theory curricula, our children did not do well in school in 2022. With all the social justice demands, inner city schools’ physics classes teach E=MC Hammer.
- My mom died in 2022. But in a good move on her part, she paid for Wi-Fi at her gravesite so the grandkids will be more likely to visit.
- I moved to downtown Chattanooga, a great city. I have lesbian bars, strip clubs and street winos right below my windows. I like it, but I grew up in Columbia, Tennessee watching public TV. Mr. Rogers did not prepare me for this neighborhood.
- The stupid war of choice in Ukraine rumbled on. America, the world’s ATM, got hit up for $45 billion more in funding. But the good news is that intelligence says Russian generals will take Putin out soon. The bad news is that when they take him out, he will take all of us out with him.
- It was a wild year for Elon Musk. He predicted correctly that, once he left the Democrat Party, the media would go after him. And boy, did they! Then when he was trying to buy Twitter, he outed the fact that a large portion of Twitter’s users were fake. Elon never buys anything largely fake, which is why he never bought a Hooters or a strip club in Atlanta.
- We have always defied Europe and gone our own Christian way in America. We pushed back and never really adopted the metric system. If God had wanted the metric system, Jesus Christ would have had ten disciples.
- With interest rates rising and real estate going up earlier in 2022, I was smart enough to refinance my house and pull out some equity. I was very pleased with myself, but my landlord was livid.
A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron does commentary on radio and TV. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.