When I saw the news that Michael Phelps had been arrested for driving under the influence for a second time, I have to admit that a smile broke out on my face. Now, I am not normally the type of person who takes great pleasure in the misfortune of others – unless of course, someone has done something particularly vile to me. Someone once told me that I hold a grudge like Khomeini. I never knew the late ayatollah, but we may indeed have that in common. Michael Phelps and I had an encounter years back, and he did not acquit himself very well. What was this encounter you ask? It’s the Michael Phelps story.
Marc Sterne | All Articles
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Marc Sterne is the long-time sidekick "Nigel" on the Tony Kornheiser Radio Show. He's been in radio for over 15 years -- primarily in Washington, D.C. -- working in music, sports, and news talk. He's also a standup comedian -- and is the reigning champion of D.C.'s Funniest Sports Celebrity.
The beleaguered commissioner of the NFL is doing everything he can to plug the leaks in the mighty ship that is the league. Or at least, he doing everything that his focus group and PR handlers are telling him to do to get the media off of his back. He held a press conference. Ok, he didn’t actually say anything of substance, or offer up any kind of concrete plan, but he stood out there for 15 minutes, that has to count for something, right?
Derek Jeter is a great many things these days. To some, he’s the greatest player of his generation – and on the Mt. Rushmore of greatest Yankees of all time. To others, he’s the most overrated player in history – not only a terrible fielding shortstop, but also essentially a singles hitter who really wasn’t that clutch in big moments. To other still – specifically the cops in “The Other Guys” – he is simply a bi-racial angel. The celebration of Jeter as he nears the end of his playing days has gotten way out of hand. Every moment is documented and praised, until even the most reasonable among us wants to vomit.
A lot of people are outraged over the David Petraeus affair. Quite frankly, I’m outraged over the outrage. People are breaking their ankles as they race to get to the moral high ground and boldly proclaim, “How could he have done this?!?”
As the dust from the NCAA’s ruling on the Penn State child sex abuse scandal begins to settle, the focus seems to be on whether the penalty the NCAA imposed on Penn State --- a $60 million fine, a scholarship reduction, and a four-year postseason ban --- is too harsh. The answer is that it isn’t harsh enough. There shouldn’t be any football played at Beaver Stadium this year. The NCAA should have given the Nittany Lion football program the so-called “death penalty” to deter other schools from doing what Penn State did: covering up a scandal in order to protect an athletic program.
Last month, the good folks at NASA announced that their high-powered Keppler telescope had revealed over 1,200 possible new planets. So, it seems more and more likely that we are not alone in this big, bad universe. Now we’d all like to think that the aliens who come here first will be cute and cuddly like E.T., or like those music-loving little fellas in “close encounters of the third kind.” But you know they won’t be -- things are never that easy. They’ll probably be more like those little bastards that Sigourney Weaver had to stomp on in “aliens.” They’ll be mean, tough, and likely pretty pissed off from the long drive to get here.