Blog - DC Trawler
Animals are dumb and I don't like them. If an animal tries to kill a human being, then the animal must be killed. That's all there is to it. Even if, um, the human being totally wants the animal to kill him.
The first rule of identity politics: In any dispute involving Muslims, the victims are always Muslims. Always, always, always.
I've never been a fan of the Huffington Post, mainly because of their lack of diversity. No, I'm not talking about this lack of diversity:
This November, you'll be told that you need to choose between a criminal and a lunatic. Why not vote for a candidate who's arguably both?
If you're a longtime reader of my blog -- which I suppose is possible -- you may know that shortly after I joined the Daily Caller, a State Department "security" agent named Mike McGuinn hit me with his armored SUV while I was crossing the street in Washington, DC. He shattered my knee, and I was thrown into the middle of the street. It was not the best evening.
I'm never voting for Donald Trump or pretending it's a good idea to vote for him, but I'm not entirely unsympathetic to the argument that hey, at least he's not Hillary Clinton. We can quibble over which one is worse, the criminal or the lunatic, but there's no denying that they are indeed two separate biological entities. If that's enough for you, then do whatever your conscience will allow. After all, what's bad for Hillary is good for America. At least until President Trump starts a nuclear war after Kim Jong Un calls him a big fat dummy.
White people in the United States have a lot to answer for: Slavery. Capitalism. Global warming. Fuller House. But among the ills inflicted on America by the pasty plague of white folks, the worst crime of all is the name of Washington, DC's professional football team. It's so horribly offensive that I can't even allow myself to type it out. Even thinking about it triggers me. I'll just call them the Washington R-words.
Alright, listen up. You are going to watch the second trailer for the all-new, all-female Ghostbusters. You are going to laugh. You are going to think it looks scary and fun and good. You are going to like it. You are going to publicly admit that you like it.
That's the most cynical possible headline I could give this. Which, in 2016, is how you know it's true.
Here in America, we've got a clear choice this November when it comes to free speech. On one side of the aisle, we've got a merciless autocrat who wants to use the full force of government to keep us from criticizing people in power. On the other side of the aisle, we've got another one just like her.
Everybody knows that guns are bad. If we ban guns, then nobody will have guns and nobody can shoot each other. (Duh! It's called logic, people.) But did you know that a gun-shaped object doesn't actually need to emit a projectile at high speed in order to be dangerous?
As we all know by now, the original Ghostbusters is a crime against women. Peter Venkman was a one-man rape culture, and soon he'll be discarded in the dustbin of history.
Thanks to Ben Rhodes, Barack Obama, and all the other storytellers in the White House, we now know that the Iranians are our partners in peace. The question isn't whether we can trust them. The question is: Why should they trust us? After all, we're America. We're the Great Satan. We're everything that's wrong with the world. We're so decadent, we even allow our women to walk around in public without chaperones and with faces fully exposed. It's disgraceful.
Love wins. And so does Whole Foods.
If you've ever watched The Wire -- hailed as the "best TV show ever" by anybody who's never seen Battle of the Network Stars -- you almost certainly fell in love with the cuddly Detective William "Bunk" Moreland, portrayed by actor Wendell Pierce. I know I did. And after I read the following, all I could do was wander around the room muttering F-bombs over and over again...
I've always been more of a dog person than a cat person. Dogs are loyal, friendly, and sweet, and they'll never steal your soul through your mouth while you're sleeping.
Sorry, Libs, But It’s Perfectly Normal For Donald Trump To Pretend To Be A Publicist Named ‘John Miller’
Every day, the Hillary-loving media finds some new bit of trivia about Donald Trump to obsess over. "Oh no, he won't release his taxes! Oh no, he's playing footsie with neo-Nazis and white-power creeps! Oh no, he thinks Ted Cruz's dad killed JFK!" Ugh. Whatever. As if any of these things have any bearing on his ability to Make America Great Again. Now they're all pretending it's a big deal that Trump used to call reporters and pretend to be a Trump spokesman named "John Miller." First of all, it's not true, which we know because Trump denies it. Second of all, who cares that it's obviously true, at least to anyone with the gift of hearing? Here's why Trump didn't do it, and why it doesn't matter that he very clearly did it:
If life under King Barry has taught us one thing, it's that Iran is a good friend to the United States. Sure, you hear a lot of "Death to America" and "You're the Great Satan" and whatnot, but that's just old buddies razzing each other. That Iran, such a kidder.
When you make something more expensive, people can afford less of it. That's why a $15/hour minimum wage will put people out of work when employers can't afford it. This is unavoidable. It will happen, and it's already happening.