Jim Treacher

#NotAllMuslims To Get Free Room & Board On Canadian Military Bases

Canadian Liberal Party leader and prime minister-designate Justin Trudeau at the end of a news conference in Ottawa on Oct. 20. (Nicholas Kamm/Agence France-Presse via Getty Images)

First things first: Yes, Canada does have a military. And up until recently, Canada has been helping in the fight against ISIS. But now that America's Hat is under new management, reality is no longer an issue.

Slick Willie Slams ‘Sexist’ Sanders Supporters

2:58 PM 02/08/2016

Let's say you're a woman who's running for President of the United States, but you don't have any accomplishments to brag about. Nobody really likes you all that much, and they trust you even less. But you're a Democrat, and your husband was president, and you're single-mindedly avaricious for power. How do you use those advantages to distract prospective voters from your utter lack of qualification, character, or leadership?

Caption This: Hillary Clinton And Chris Christie Prepare To Hug

12:09 PM 02/08/2016


Abortion Enthusiasts Freak Out Over Doritos Super Bowl Ad

10:48 AM 02/08/2016

We're told that a woman has the right to choose. If that's the case, why do abortion enthusiasts freak out when a woman chooses to look at her baby as a human being?

Twitter (Reuters)

#NotAllMuslims Get Kicked Off Twitter

4:33 PM 02/05/2016

Just 125,000 accounts so far. Probably all from the same troll, right?

Hillary Clinton speaks. REUTERS/Mike Segar

Hillary Clinton: ‘I Want To Start Good Things From Happening’

1:18 PM 02/05/2016

I want to try a little experiment. Turn up your volume all the way, click on the Vine clip below, start your stopwatch app, and see how long you can take it:

Trump Campaign Manager Megyn Kelly Is 'Completely Obsessed' With Donald Trump [images via Fox News and Getty]

Can You Believe How Cozy That Fox News ‘Moderator’ Got With The Republicans?

9:08 AM 02/05/2016

Unbelievable. I mean, we all know they're in bed together. But now they're literally making out onstage!

Islam Muslim green star and crescent (Getty Images)

#NotAllMuslims Blow Hole In Jet With Suicide Bomb, Fail To Kill Anybody But The Bomber

5:38 PM 02/04/2016

You heard about the Somalian jet that somebody tried to take down with a suicide bomb, right? Scary story, but it's got a really happy ending.

U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump stops speaking while waiting for protesters to be removed at a campaign rally at the University of Iowa in Iowa City, Iowa, January 26, 2016. REUTERS/Scott Morgan

Trump’s Polls Take YUUUUUUGE Drop After Iowa

3:26 PM 02/04/2016

Good news and bad news for fans of The Donald.

I’m Not Sure I Like Playboy’s New Direction

10:49 AM 02/04/2016

It's the end of an era. As of today, you can see naked women everywhere except Playboy.

Howard Dean On Hillary Clinton: Well, The Media Doesn’t Criticize MALE Candidates For Screaming

2:11 PM 02/03/2016

In case nobody has told you yet, Hillary Clinton is a woman. Therefore, any criticism of Hillary Clinton is sexist and misogynist and, let's face it, more than a little rapey. If you're a man, you should just keep your negative opinions about her to yourself. Also, if you're a woman. But especially if you're a man. (Men! Ugh.)

U.S. Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders delivers a speech at a campaign event in Chicago, Illinois, September 28, 2015. REUTERS/Jim Young

Wait… Did Bernie Actually Win Iowa?

12:13 PM 02/03/2016

In a sense, Bernie Sanders was already the winner in Iowa, because in the space of 12 months he utterly demolished Hillary Clinton's 50-point lead. He put this look on her face:

Republican U.S. presidential candidate businessman Donald Trump gestures as he speaks at the Fox Business Network Republican presidential candidates debate in North Charleston, South Carolina January 14, 2016. REUTERS/Chris Keane

Sore Loser Trump: ‘Cruz Didn’t Win Iowa, He Stole It’

9:31 AM 02/03/2016

I couldn't have been more wrong about Trump's post-Iowa strategy. Whew!

Lena Dunham Wants A New Amendment To Protect Her Feelings

4:56 PM 02/02/2016

Poor Lena Dunham. That sister-molesting, Hillary-endorsing rape-hoaxer has quit Twitter more times than she's had hot meals. Which is to say, a lot of times. A whooooole lot of times.

U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump (REUTERS/Rick Wilking)

Donald Trump Is Disappointed In You, Iowa: ‘Not Worth It!’

1:03 PM 02/02/2016

I may have spoken too soon when I gave Donald Trump some credit. If he's playing rope-a-dope, he sure isn't showing the patience for it.

U.S. Democratic presidential candiate Bernie Sanders arrives to watch U.S. President Barack Obama's State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress in Washington, January 12, 2016. REUTERS/Joshua Roberts

So This Is What ‘The Bern’ Feels Like

9:32 AM 02/02/2016

Feels... surprisingly pleasant! If it's bad for Hillary, it's good for America. But if you had told me a year ago that I'd be relieved about an undisguised communist having a realistic shot at the White House...

Katie Holmes endorses Hillary Clinton. (Photo: Scott Eisen/Getty Images)

Hillary Clinton’s Unsecured Email System Jeopardized American Lives, If You Care About That Sort Of Thing

1:25 PM 02/01/2016

Seems like a minor point. Leave it to Faux Noise to blow it all out of proportion.

Aussie Shopkeeper Uses Improvised Flamethrower On Robbers

10:25 AM 02/01/2016

President Obama sure likes to cite Australia's strict gun laws. Remember when he said this, back in June 2014?

Caption This: Bill Clinton Takes Over Hillary’s Snapchat Account

1:15 PM 01/29/2016