Jim Treacher

Two-Thirds Of The World’s Wildlife May Be Gone By 2020, And Good Riddance

An emu is pictured at its enclosure at the zoo in Duisburg June 22, 2012.  REUTERS/Ina Fassbender (GERMANY - Tags: ANIMALS) - RTR3402Y

There are two ironclad facts that everybody with the slightest bit of sense can agree on: 1) Animals are dumb, and 2) Scientists are always right about everything. In the '70s, scientists predicted a looming Ice Age. Thirty years later, they predicted the North Pole would melt by 2013. Both times they were right, even if the facts were a bit reluctant to cooperate. That's what science is: People making assertions that other people aren't allowed to question because shut up.

House Conference Chief Policy Director Evan McMullin (Twitter)

Who Is Evan McMullin, And Why Is He Making Hannity So Angry?

9:57 AM 10/27/2016

Evan McMullin is an independent conservative candidate for President of the United States, and I plan to write him in when I vote in Indiana on November 8. I can't vote for either of the completely unacceptable candidates from the two major parties, nor the completely unacceptable candidates from the two minor parties. So I'm voting McMullin. If you insist that I vote for somebody who isn't going to win anyway, I'd prefer to be able to sleep at night.

U.S. Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton reacts before boarding her campaign plane at the Westchester County airport in White Plains, New York, U.S., October 25, 2016. REUTERS/Carlos Barri6

Huma On Birthday Girl Hillary: ‘Still Not Perfect In Her Head’

11:46 AM 10/26/2016

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The only "October surprise" this election will be if anybody can give me a reason to vote for Trump or Clinton, rather than against one or the other. Neither candidate has convinced me they're suitable for the Oval Office, and even their own lackeys and adherents don't seem to trust or respect them very much.

Is This The World’s First Pro-Bullying PSA?

1:37 PM 10/25/2016

If you're a U.S. citizen and you have the right to vote, then you should try to make the best-informed decision you can. If you decide not to vote at all, you should be bullied about it by schoolchildren.

Breitbart.com Worked With Lib Activist From O’Keefe Video To Disrupt GOP Primary Events

10:32 AM 10/25/2016

Goose, meet gander.

Senator Evan Bayh (D-IN) speaks at the 2008 Democratic National Convention in Denver, Colorado, August 27, 2008. U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) is expected to accept the Democratic presidential nomination at the convention on August 28. REUTERS/Mike Segar  (UNITED STATES) US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN 2008 (USA) - RTR21RCN

Evan Bayh Is A Carpetbagger

3:13 PM 10/21/2016

I live in the same neighborhood as Evan Bayh. Or so he wants Indiana voters to believe. Yet I never seem to see him at CVS or Dunkin Donuts or Jo-Ann Fabrics and Crafts. I sure would love to give that guy a friendly wave and a "Howdy, neighbor!" But he's never around.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally at the American Airlines Center on September 14, 2015 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images)

SUNY Prof: Trump Win 87% Sure

9:53 AM 10/21/2016

I'm not voting for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, but I don't blame anybody for voting against either of them. They both stink very badly. Most people think Killary's gonna win, because they believe the corrupt, (((globalist)))-run Lamestream Media. But there's one professor at Stony Brook University who ain't havin' any of that nonsense.

Anthony Weiner tweet Big Government

Feds Can’t Wait To Get Hands On Weiner

2:48 PM 10/20/2016

I know I said no more Weiner jokes. Sorry. It's in my nature.

              FILE - This June 23, 2012 file photo shows CNN's Anderson Cooper arrives at the 39th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, Calif.  The gay advocacy group GLAAD says Madonna will present CNN's Anderson Cooper with an award for openly gay media professionals. GLAAD announced Saturday, Sept. 2, 2013,  that Cooper will receive its Vito Russo Award at the 24th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in New York City on March 16.(Photo by Todd Williamson/Invision/AP, file)

Anderson Cooper: ‘Technically, You Cannot Polish Any Turd’

11:21 AM 10/20/2016

CNN: Caca News Network.

              FILE - In this Nov. 22, 2000 file photo, Broward County, Fla. canvassing board member Judge Robert Rosenberg examines a challenged vote at the Broward County Emergency Operations Center in Plantation, Fla. The mere mention of the 2000 election unsettles people in Palm Beach County. The county’s poorly designed “butterfly ballot” confused thousands of voters, arguably costing Democrat Al Gore the state, and thereby the presidency.  Gore won the national popular vote by more than a half-million ballots. But George W. Bush became president after the Supreme Court decided, 5-4, to halt further Florida recounts, more than a month after Election Day. Bush carried the state by 537 votes, enough for an Electoral College edge, and the White House.  (AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee, File)

No, Al Gore Did Not Immediately Concede The 2000 Election

8:56 AM 10/20/2016

Why do you think the phrase "hanging chads" entered the American lexicon?

Hard alcohol. [Shutterstock/Alexandru Nika]

FINALLY: Scientists Make Booze Out Of CO2

3:30 PM 10/19/2016

Now that I've reached the Acceptance stage of Election 2016 (see Kübler-Ross), I've been freed of all cravings for alcohol. I don't need it anymore, because the bad feelings have all gone away. But not everybody is so lucky. Some people still have emotions. Some people still have souls. They need alcohol to survive, and the next four years ain't gonna be easy.

In this Sunday, Nov. 4, 2012 file photo, Malik Obama, half-brother of President Barack Obama, poses for photographs after speaking about the then upcoming U.S. elections to an Associated Press television reporter in the village of Kogelo where he lives in western Kenya. Malik Obama is running for governor in the country's nationwide elections to be held on Monday, March 4, 2013, saying in a phone interview Friday, March 1, 2013 that he can't run away from his name and association with the U.S. President. (AP Photo/Ben Curtis, File)

Not Sure Why One Of Obama’s Various Half-Siblings Is Attending The Debate, But…

9:29 AM 10/19/2016

Hey, after the past 8 years, it's nice that somebody has finally invited Malik Obama to something. His brother hasn't been very brotherly.

ST LOUIS, MO - OCTOBER 09:  Democratic presidential nominee former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton listens during the town hall debate at Washington University on October 9, 2016 in St Louis, Missouri. This is the second of three presidential debates scheduled prior to the November 8th election.  (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

If You Think YOU Hate Hillary Clinton, Try Working For Her

3:51 PM 10/18/2016

I always like it when I read a story about bad things happening to State Department employees. I suppose it's petty of me, but I'm a petty kind of guy. This time, though, I actually feel a bit sorry for those people. They went through something even worse than what they put me through. They had to deal with Hillary.

Caption This: Brady Campaign Attempts Satire

1:38 PM 10/18/2016


"They wanted him to crawl. He wanted them to run."

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - AUGUST 16:  (BROADCAST - OUT) Natalie Morales, Billy Bush and Al Roker joke on the Today show set on Copacabana Beach on August 16, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

The End Of An Era: Billy Bush Leaves NBC

10:00 AM 10/18/2016

In the two glorious months that Billy Bush hosted the third hour of the Today Show, he became an intrinsic part of American life. Water coolers and chatrooms across the country thrummed with excitement: "Did you hear what Billy Bush said this morning? Gotta love that Billy Bush!" He was a phenomenon. He was America's Best Bro.

Lefties Finally Admit: ‘Binders Full Of Women’ Panic Was Fraudulent

12:20 PM 10/17/2016

If you're a conservative, or even merely a Republican, there's very little to be happy about these days. But at least Election 2016 has tricked our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters into admitting that attacking Mitt Romney for saying "binders full of women" was stupid and nonsensical.

Donald Trump (Photo: YouTube screengrab)

Are You Ready For… Trump TV?

8:45 AM 10/17/2016

If you think Trump will win, or can win, or even wants to win, that's terrific. I respect your religious beliefs. But if he doesn't win, if he disappoints you, don't worry. He'll be okay. He's got a Plan B.

Screen shot NBC

SNL Mocks Bill Clinton’s Accusers, Who Hillary Tried To Destroy [VIDEO]

9:15 AM 10/16/2016

I tried to watch last night's SNL, because in October 2016 it is a grim obligation. I tried, I really did, but I only got through it as far as the first bit below:

US Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg waits on the steps of the US Supreme Court in Washington, DC 06 September 2005 for the casket of US Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist. (Photo: JIM WATSON/AFP/Getty Images)

Notorious RBG To Kaepernick: My Bad

5:13 PM 10/14/2016

Nobody escapes social justice. Not even a Supreme Court justice.