Jim Treacher

Randy Quaid And Wife Arrested In Canada ‘By An Actual Tall Midget’

Not a tall person. Not a midget. Not a figurative tall midget. An actual tall midget.

SOMEBODY Really Wanted Mac & Cheese

2:29 PM 10/07/2015

One of the benefits of being an old person is that cameraphones and social media didn't exist when you were 19. None of the stupid things you did were captured for posterity. One bad evening with a headful of hooch and hormones didn't follow you around for life.

Cecil the lion is seen at Hwange National Parks in this undated handout picture received July 31, 2015. REUTERS/A.J. Loveridge/Handout via Reuters

This Halloween, Everyone Should Dress Up As That Loser Cecil The Lion

1:18 PM 10/07/2015

I'm not the biggest fan of Halloween, but it hasn't been so bad ever since I installed the electric fence, gator-filled moat, and land mines all around my compound. The only treat those little rugrats are getting is a ride in an ambulance.

Hillary Clinton Sends GOP Candidates Copies Of Her Boring, Modest-Selling Book

11:23 AM 10/07/2015

Hey, you fight with the weapons you have. Lord knows Hillary's got plenty of unsold copies of Hard Choices.

Keith Olbermann is a douche (photo: Getty Images)

Keith Olbermann To Return To MSNBC?

1:57 PM 10/06/2015

I knew things were bad over there. I had no idea they were this bad.

Getty Images

Hunter Survives Animal Attack By Inducing Bear-limia

12:49 PM 10/06/2015

This weekend in Montana, brothers Chase and Shane Dellwo were bow-hunting for elk when Chase was attacked by a grizzly bear. Thanks to some quick thinking and a knowledge of bear anatomy, Chase lived to tell the tale.

Rihanna (Getty photo)

Rihanna Thinks Rachel Dolezal Is ‘A Bit Of A Hero,’ But She’s Wrong

11:01 AM 10/06/2015

Rachel Dolezal is a huge hero!

The facade of the New York Times building is seen in New York. (REUTERS)

Why Is The New York Times Worried About Black People Owning Guns Legally?

10:06 AM 10/06/2015

I'm not saying they're a bunch of racists. I'm just pointing out what they're doing.

A drink and a doughnut are seen at a Dunkin' Donuts location in the Chicago suburb of Niles, Illinois, February 4, 2015.  REUTERS/Jim Young

Latest Anti-Cop PR Disaster: Dunkin’ Donuts

1:22 PM 10/05/2015

Cops and donut shops. It's such a cliché that it's not even fun to joke about anymore.

Iran’s National Women’s Soccer Team Has A Lot Of Balls

11:42 AM 10/05/2015

In every possible sense.

Chris Mercer’s Dad Wants To Know Where He Got Those Guns

9:43 AM 10/05/2015

Why doesn't he know? When was the last time he talked to his own son?

Fourth ‘Teen’ Finally Charged In Zemir Begic Murder

2:59 PM 10/02/2015

Last November in St. Louis, a Bosnian immigrant named Zemir Begic was beaten to death by four "juveniles" of no given description. The faceless "teens" started damaging Begic's car, and when he got out, they beat him in the head and face with hammers. Then they left him in the street to die.

Hillary Clinton Couldn’t Be Prouder To Have Wendy Davis On Her Team

1:23 PM 10/02/2015

It's always good to have the endorsement of a state governor.

              New York Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly looks at some of the guns seized as part of gun smuggling between the Carolinas and New York, Monday, Aug. 19, 2013 in New York. Authorities say couriers smuggled 254 guns into New York City by stashing weapons in their luggage on discount buses. The men were caught in a police sting that netted 254 weapons in 45 transactions since last year. (AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)

Obama On Confiscating Guns: Then And Now

8:39 AM 10/02/2015


Pregnant Student Kicks Pregnant EMT During Huge Brawl At Milwaukee’s Barack Obama School Of Career And Technical Education

4:17 PM 10/01/2015

I'm not going to make any jokes about this. It would be redundant.

Benjamin Netanyahu And The Pin-Drop Heard ‘Round The World

3:09 PM 10/01/2015

You tell 'em, Bibi. The UN isn't useless. It's worse than useless.

Harriette Thompson, 92, runs in the Rock 'n' Roll Marathon in San Diego, California, in this May 31, 2015 handout photo. Thompson, who is from North Carolina and is a two-time cancer survivor, has become the oldest female in the world to complete a marathon with a run in San Diego, organizers of the event said. REUTERS/Ryan Bethke/Competitors Group/Handout

Why Is #BlackLivesMatter Planning To Disrupt A Marathon?

11:59 AM 10/01/2015

Step 1: Find a place where white folks tend to congregate.
Step 2: Spoil their day because they resemble people you don't like.

question marks

Is It Really A Good Idea To Chemically Suppress Your Son’s Puberty Because He Thinks He’s A Girl?

10:26 AM 10/01/2015

America, 2015: Where a kid can't bite a Pop Tart into the shape of a gun, but his parents can suppress his puberty with drugs because he likes dolls.

Planned Parenthood’s Defenders Haven’t Seen Those Videos, But So What?

3:41 PM 09/30/2015

Do you really need to see something for yourself to know whether or not it's true?