Jim Treacher
Blogger

Let’s Play: Guess Obama’s Email Pseudonym!

"When the president does it, that means it is not illegal." -- Richard Milhous Nixon

CLEVELAND, OH - JULY 20:  Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) delivers a speech on the third day of the Republican National Convention on July 20, 2016 at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump received the number of votes needed to secure the party's nomination. An estimated 50,000 people are expected in Cleveland, including hundreds of protesters and members of the media. The four-day Republican National Convention kicked off on July 18.  (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

OUT: Vote Your Conscience; IN: Con Your Voters

3:52 PM 09/23/2016

Remember this, at the GOP convention?

During Monday Night’s Debate, Keep An Eye On Hillary

1:17 PM 09/23/2016

We're not supposed to talk about Hillary Clinton's health issues. Ever. When she falls down and hits her head, or collapses in the street, or YELLS INTO A CAMERA IN AN EMPTY ROOM, the topic is off-limits. It's sexist. Because she's a woman.

Scientist Invents Safer Alternative To Alcohol, Gets Slapped Down By Gov’t

10:33 AM 09/23/2016

As a loyal Trekkie, I've often wondered what it would be like to drink "synthehol," the fictional beverage with all of alcohol's pleasures and none of the drawbacks. As with everything else about Gene Roddenberry's vision of the future, it's always seemed like a pipe dream. (All apologies to opiate addicts.) But now a scientist in Britain has brought us one step closer to that glorious day. So, of course, he's being hampered by meddlesome government functionaries.

The scandal that was a copy editors dream. Anthony Weiner (hee-hee, Weiner) tweeted out a picture of his junk to all of his followers. He had to resign from his position as the U.S. Rep of New York’s 9th district as a result, but don’t think that taught Mr. Weiner any lessons: a subsequent 2013 campaign to become the mayor of New York city was derailed after it was revealed he was still sending sexual photos to a woman who was most certainly not his wife, this time under the pseudonym Carlos Danger, marking Weiner as one of the dumbest mayoral candidates with one of the best porn names ever.(Photo: Getty Images)

Feds Subpoena Anthony Weiner’s Phone

5:23 PM 09/22/2016

Yuck. Gross. This whole story. Eww.

Back in ’93, Comedian Bill Hicks Explained What To Do When Rioters Surround Your Vehicle

1:34 PM 09/22/2016

In 1991, a guy named Rodney King was a victim of police brutality by the LAPD. On April 29, 1992, a jury acquitted the cops who beat him, and Los Angeles plunged into six days of rioting.

Honorable mention goes to the 11th hottest Civil War re-enactor? Zach Galifianakis, who just looks like this in everyday life. (Photo: Getty Images)

Hillary ‘Powered Through’ Her Pneumonia Diagnosis Because Zach Galifianakis Was Waiting

10:53 AM 09/22/2016

"Power through." That was Team Hillary's message last week, after the whole world watched Grandma collapse in the street. First they told us she'd been diagnosed with pneumonia the previous Friday. Then they patiently explained to us, over and over, the very good reason she ignored that diagnosis:

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest (L) and actress Allison Janney, who played a fictional press secretary in

Hillary Clinton Gets Help From Cast Of TV Show About POTUS Who Hid Serious Illness

7:33 PM 09/21/2016

It's been said that truth is stranger than fiction. Not this time! This time, it's definitely the other way around. No, really.

U.S. Senator Ben Sasse (R-NE) speaks at the American Conservative Union 2016 annual conference in Maryland March 3, 2016. REUTERS/Gary Cameron.

Ben Sasse Defines Conservatism For A Bewildered Chuck Todd

2:48 PM 09/21/2016

I missed the following exchange last Monday a long time ago, because it happened on MSNBC. As you're about to see, a rather hostile-sounding Chuck Todd asked Senator Ben Sasse (R-NE) to define conservatism. I assume Chuck was frustrated with Sasse's refusal to submit to Trump, thereby confirming Chuck's biases about Republicans. Or maybe Chuck was having a bad day. Or is that just how he talks? It's been so long, I can't remember.

              AP10ThingsToSee - New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner leaves his apartment building in New York on Wednesday, July 24, 2013. The former congressman acknowledged sending explicit text messages to a woman as recently as last summer, more than a year after sexting revelations destroyed his congressional career. (AP Photo/Richard Drew, File)

Okay, I’m Done With Weiner Jokes Forever

11:51 AM 09/21/2016

It was funny when Anthony Weiner messed up the first time, tweeting out a dong pic and then trying and disastrously failing to blame it on Andrew Breitbart. It was even funnier when he destroyed his NYC mayoral campaign by sexting with some airhead from Evansville, IN. But it got a lot less funny when he sent a very inappropriate family photo to a still-unnamed, fortyish Trump supporter who really, really takes care of herself. And now the humor value has finally run out.

              This May 29, 2013 photo shows writer-director Joss Whedon  in New York. Whedon's latest film is an independent adaptation of Shakespeare's “Much Ado About Nothing.” (Photo by Dan Hallman/Invision/AP)

Joss Whedon Wants To Get You Excited For Hillary, Everybody

10:01 AM 09/21/2016

Joss Whedon was the co-creator of Firefly, a show so libertarian that the ship was shaped like Drew Carey. So of course it was cancelled after 11 episodes, because everybody hates libertarians. And like all third-wave feminists in good standing, last year I was furious at Whedon for making the Black Widow sad that she can never have a child. Joss Whedon is problematic, is what I'm saying.

Caption This: Obama, George Clooney, Non-Famous People Meet At U.N.

3:11 PM 09/20/2016

barry_n_george

"First of all, I speak for all of us when I say that in this trying time, our thoughts and prayers go out to Brangelina..."

Ahmad Khan Rahami in a photo released by the FBI.     REUTERS/FBI

Rahami’s Poppa Dropped A Dime On Him, But Nobody Knows Why

1:21 PM 09/20/2016

ISIS is on the run. Obama got Bin Laden. (Well, Hillary did, but he helped.) And yet you wingnuts keep freaking out about terrorism, instead of climate change and the NRA and whatever else you're supposed to be freaking out about.

(Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images for Trevor Project)

Sarah Silverman: Hillary Captured Bin Laden, So We Owe Her 1,000 Purple Hearts

10:01 AM 09/20/2016

You may know Sarah Silverman from such films as... um...

A Los Angeles Police Department officer inspects a handgun in Los Angeles, Calif., Dec. 14, 2013. (REUTERS/Kevork Djansezian)

Minnesota Mall Terrorist Taken Down By NRA-Certified Firearms Instructor

8:16 PM 09/19/2016

#NotAllMuslims are terrorists, but Dahir Adan was. That's the name of the terrorist who ran around a mall in Minnesota on Saturday, asking people if they were Muslim and then stabbing them. Nobody was killed, and that's thanks to a civilian who put a stop to it by exercising his Second Amendment rights.

A homemade clock made by Ahmed Mohamed.    REUTERS/Irving Texas Police Department

The Obama Administration’s Terrorism Policy In Three Tweets

11:40 AM 09/19/2016

If you see something... welllllll...

Brian O’Donnell Is An American Hero

9:45 AM 09/19/2016

"Who's Brian O'Donnell?" you ask. And that's exactly why I want to talk about him.

LAS VEGAS, NV - DECEMBER 14:  Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally at the Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino on December 14, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Donlad Trump is campaigning in Las Vegas a day ahead of the final GOP debate.  (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Here’s Why Trump’s ‘Birther’ Media Stunt Convinced Me To Abandon My Principles And Support Him

1:21 PM 09/16/2016

Donald Trump is a big-government liberal who used his mastery of the media to nab the GOP nomination. And because he's running as a Republican, most of the media feel duty-bound to oppose him. They were fine with using him for ratings, but playtime is over now. They have to get him, no matter what. The more games he plays with them, the more enraged they get. At this point, they're willing to call down an air strike on their own position if they think he'll get taken out too. Which is pretty much what happened today, when Trump lured a bunch of reporters into what they thought would be a press conference about the dumb "birther" thing. But then he turned it into an infomercial for himself. He made the media do exactly what he wanted them to do, and they're furious that they fell for it. Tee hee! I don't like it when Trump mocks journalists' physical infirmities, but I'm fine with him exploiting their emotional ones. That's why I've decided to give in, once and for all. Here's why I'll be voting for Donald Trump on November 8, and why you should too:

Islam Muslim green star and crescent (Getty Images)

Cop-Chopping Meat-Cleaver Maniac Akram Joudeh Was Also Arrested For Pacing Outside A Synagogue With Knives

11:51 AM 09/16/2016

Warning: #NotAllMuslims are responsible for the events in the following post. The attack I'm about to discuss was the act of a lone wolf. It has no connection to anything that has ever happened, or ever will happen, in the history of the world.