Blog - DC Trawler
It was a dream come true for feminists, SJWs, and other important Americans: Amy Schumer announced she would be portraying Barbie, the doll, in a movie about Barbie, the doll. But now Schumer has dropped out, citing "scheduling conflicts." Who should replace her?
I like robots, especially when they replace fast-food workers. I hate animals, because they keep trying to wipe out mankind and are almost as disgusting as fast-food workers. So I have mixed feelings about robot animals. Especially robot... eels.
Khalid Masood killed four people and injured 50 more during his motiveless rampage in front of the British Houses of Parliament. As bad as it was, it could've been even worse.
Like a lowly caterpillar transforming into a beautiful butterfly, gross icky white girl Rachel Dolezal has metamorphosed into Nkechi Amare Diallo, a strong, glorious African-American woman. But just like the civil-rights pioneers who came before her, Diallo keeps catching hate from bigots. Now they're all whining and complaining about her new book, "In Full Color: Finding My Place in a Black and White World."
Whenever life starts to get you down, whenever you feel like the troubles of the whole world are riding on your shoulders, take a moment to stop and remember the truly unfortunate among us. Those unlucky victims in our society who just can't seem to catch a break. People like Chelsea Clinton.
It's the day after yet another high-profile Islamic terrorist attack, and you know what that means. It's time to start worrying about the real victims!
I checked on hewillnotdivide.us just this morning, and the flag branded with the titular phrase was still fluttering proudly in the breeze. Shia LaBeouf divided his latest art project from the United States by an entire ocean, after moving it from Queens to Albuquerque and then to rural Tennessee, and it seemed to have done the trick. Moving it way over to Liverpool, England actually worked! HWNDU was A-OK. Trolls 3, Shia 1.
This is very frightening. An American president, scoffing at his opponents because he has power over them. As if he can use the presidential seal to seal out all dissenting views! This must not stand.
Britain's Channel 4 named the wrong one of #NotAllMuslims yesterday. Turns out that the London attacker was a different designated victim.
There are many legitimate reasons to criticize Donald Trump. Much of his behavior is fair game. And yet people feel the need to keep making stuff up. Panicking over Trump has become a lucrative industry, and hoaxers are having a field day.
There's been some question this week about who the leader of the Democratic Party is. Nancy Pelosi sure doesn't know. But now, folks, we have our answer.
Chelsea Clinton is getting a "lifetime achievement" award from Variety next month. If you're a dumb teabagger, you probably think her only achievement is being alive for her whole lifetime. But the rest of us know better!
It's been a rough couple of months for thespian and artbro Shia LaBeouf. Back on inauguration day, he started a performance art project called He Will Not Divide Us (http://hewillnotdivide.us), in which attention-seekers from across the land gathered to troll each other in front of a live webcam. Shia got arrested for attacking a guy, live on the Internet, and the Museum of the Moving Image in NYC shut the whole thing down.
Before Tim & Eric, before Johnny Knoxville, before ritual public humiliation became a staple of American television, there was The Gong Show.
What you're about to see is a bombshell: The President of the United States, openly denying that Russia is any threat to our country. Seriously.
I tried to watch Iron Fist on Netflix, but it was boring and I gave up after 20 minutes. The only entertainment I'm likely to derive from the show is watching people complain online that a Caucasian comic-book character is being portrayed by a white dude. And if they weren't ticked off enough about it already, the creator of the original character is really (ahem) kicking things off.
I keep going back and forth about how real this feud between the Terminator and the President of the United States is. But apparently, it's as real as anything can be in 2017 America. They really don't seem to like each other. At least now Arnold is trying to do something good with it.
Fox News has suspended Andrew Napolitano for claiming that British intelligence wiretapped Trump Tower at Obama's request. The Blaze has suspended Tomi Lahren after she went on The View last week and called pro-lifers hypocrites. Now we've got another suspension.