1.) Come on, Irene, give us a break — Hang in there, DC. You know you’re having a hell of a week when the biggest earthquake to hit town in over 100 years is suddenly an afterthought. WMAL in DC reports: “Governors, mayors, and emergency management officials throughout the region issued orders and warnings on Thursday in advance of the arrival of Hurricane Irene, a Category 3 storm expected to reach Virginia tomorrow afternoon. States of emergency were declared in Virginia and Maryland, and some local governments issued evacuation orders. At least 24 hours of rain and high winds are expected over the weekend with widespread power outages. ‘We want all residents to monitor their radio and television stations for the exact path of the storm. We want all residents to know where their nearest shelters are,’ said Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell, who said eastern and southeastern parts of the state could get clobbered by the hurricane. Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley called the hurricane a ‘monster’ storm.” The National Weather Service is saying Irene is “slightly weaker” than expected, so at least that’s something. Batten down the hatches, everybody.

2.) Giant rat invades Martha’s Vineyard — As if the wind and rain aren’t enough of a bummer during Obama’s vacation, now he has to deal with dissent. TheDC’s Matthew Boyle reports: “Local police deflated an advocacy group’s Thursday plans to showcase a large inflatable rat at Five Corners on Martha’s Vineyard, according to a local news report. Americans for Job Security had barely set up its giant rat when local police told the group’s organizers to take it down. In a release, the group wrote it was using the display to remind the vacationing President Barack Obama of his administration’s ‘job-killing policies.’ The Martha’s Vineyard Times reported Tisbury Police Chief Dan Hanavan as saying the inflatable rat was too close to a major intersection and that the group could’ve set it up elsewhere in a safer location… The local newspaper also reported police arrested one young man with AJS on charges of unlawful wiretapping after he videotaped Hanavan’s conversation with other AJS protesters.” Wait. That’s “wiretapping” now? Recording a police officer in a public place as he’s talking to you? How about that. Well, Obama doesn’t need to see a giant rat to know what Americans think of him. He can just look at his polls.

3.) Mark Levin wants Michelle Obama to cut spending — Speaking of the Obamas letting the rest of us eat cake, TheDC’s Jeff Poor reports: “During the 2008 election cycle, political talking heads kept a sharp eye on the alleged extravagance of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. And decades ago they had a lot to say about First Lady Nancy Reagan and her lifestyle in the White House. Why are there no stories about First Lady Michelle Obama? London’s Daily Mail newspaper claims Michelle Obama has spent $10 million in taxpayer money on vacations. And on his Wednesday evening show, radio host Mark Levin went after the Obamas, particularly as the coverage of Michelle Obama in the White House seems lacking compared to Nancy Reagan. ‘Look at her, spending all of this money, flying all over the place,’ Levin said. ‘How often did they trash Nancy Reagan? And for what? For raising money privately to replace the china in the White House, because Jimmy Carter was there, and you know what that meant — nothing was taken care of. Because she borrowed gowns for state dinners? I was there. I remembered how they trashed her. She’s a piker compared to Michelle Obama.'” Yeah, but this time it’s different because it just is, and also if you don’t like it you are a racist.

4.) Cheney’s dog days — Dick Cheney has an autobiography coming out, and it’s not all serious political stuff. He also gives us a glimpse at his daily life as VP. TheDC’s Alex Pappas reports: “Former Vice President Dick Cheney recounts an amusing tale in his soon-to-be released autobiography about how his dog, Dave, was banned from the main lodge at Camp David for attacking the president’s dog, Barney… In the text, Cheney writes that Dave, his one-hundred-pound yellow Labrador, often joined him on trips to Camp David, the presidential retreat in Maryland. But Dave got himself into some trouble one particular morning when Cheney brought him along to breakfast at Laurel, the lodge where most official meals and meetings take place. ‘No sooner had we walked inside did Dave catch sight of the president’s dog Barney,’ Cheney writes. A ‘hot pursuit’ then ensued… President George W. Bush appeared and demanded to know: ‘What’s going on here?’ ‘It was not an unreasonable question,’ Cheney wrote in his book. The vice president was able to calm Dave down by giving him a pastry from the breakfast buffet. He then grabbed the dog and took him back to the cabin where he and his wife, Lynn, were staying.” Shortly after, the camp commander knocked on the door and told Cheney that Dave was banned from Laurel. To put it in terms the left might be able to understand: BUSH LIED, DAVE WAS KEPT OUTSIDE!

5.) Ace Ventura: Registered Sex Offender — When Jim Carrey does something, it’s automatically funny because Jim Carrey is the one doing it. At least that’s what he seems to think. TheDC’s Laura Donovan reports: “Love hurts, especially when you’re 26 years older than the girl of your dreams. ‘Liar Liar’ funnyman Jim Carrey seems to be in that boat: He uploaded a love letter in video format to ‘The Help’ star Emma Stone on his personal website Wednesday. Though the comedian could very well have been joking, many have described the recording as uncomfortable and creepy. ‘I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all-the-way beautiful,’ the 49-year-old Canadian tells the 22-year-old ‘Easy A’ actress. ‘Not just pretty, but smart and kind-hearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you…’ The video gets especially odd when Carrey says ‘and the sex [we’d have]?’ and shakes his head and rolls back his eyes.” Ha ha ha! Get it? Dear Jim Carrey: We still remember you fondly. Can’t we keep it that way? Signed, People of Earth

6.) Today’s tough choice from Alec Baldwin’s Twitter feed — “Jobs, federal debt, housing crisis, war. Pick which one is MOST important right now.” [Ed. note: Obviously, the most important issue right now, as Alec Baldwin himself has reminded us, is whether Bin Laden was behind 9-11.]

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