Someone Took A Dump In The Aisle While Hillary And Chelsea Clinton Watched Broadway Show, Apparently

(Photo by Michael Tran / AFP) (Photo by MICHAEL TRAN/AFP via Getty Images)

Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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Someone allegedly took a dump in the aisle close to Hillary and Chelsea Clinton’s Broadway seating during a mid-March performance of “Some Like It Hot,” according to a report.

The secret pooper allegedly struck at the Shubert Theater in New York City, multiple times, according to PageSix. Most recently, the pooper struck twice in the aisle where Hillary and Chelsea were sitting to watch a performance of hit show “Some Like It Hot.”

Sources told the outlet that this is not a one-time issue. “Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience,” said a source, “the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo.”

The house crew were able to quickly clear up the mess, and the Clintons apparently stayed through the second act of the show, PageSix noted. But reports from the theater seem pretty bizarre, in my opinion.

At first, the reports seem to suggest that poop appearing in the theater during performances is almost a common occurrence, having happened at least four times. Then a source apparently told PageSix that “it was an elderly person and it’s rather sad, but yes, the house staff worked quickly to help resolve the situation and Act II started as scheduled.”

This is exactly what I would say if the former First Lady and Daughter discovered a series of poops on the floor in an establishment I ran and wanted people to come visit again. Another source said what we all think happened: “There is someone who is either s–tting in the aisle, or surreptitiously dumping defecation that they smuggled into the theater.” (RELATED: We’re Legitimately Wondering What Kind Of Compromising Material Hillary Clinton Has On Apple CEO Tim Cook)

With a slew of celebrities heading to NYC to see the show, I wonder if one of them might catch the Shubert Theater’s phantom pooper! Only time will tell.