Massa of his domain: Political intrigue and tickling

NEW YORK CITY —

“In the Navy,
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the Navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease…..
In the Navy, in the Navy, in the Navy”
—The Village People

Politicians often make my job easy. Now we have the curious case of former Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) and tickle champion. In a city full of accomplished liars and reprobates like Washington, D.C., Massa has managed to distinguish himself as one of the best.

Eric Massa became the New York Democratic Party’s biggest political embarrassment in weeks. Even in our TMZ-era of politics, Massa lowered the awkwardness threshold. This latest scandal follows on the heels of Gov. David Paterson’s forced step-aside after rumors his office was rife with graft, corruption, drug use and inter-office casual sex. On the positive side, Paterson’s staffers were never late for work.

Remember, Paterson himself followed Eliot Spitzer, who resigned after it was revealed that he was a hooker enthusiast. Had these charges against Massa not surfaced so early, he was a shoe-in to be the next governor of the Empire State since they are plowing through them at a record pace. In short, that bastion of liberal Democrats, New York, which is Obama’s vision for us, is on a roll.

Eric Massa’s bumbling replies to accusations that he groped male staffers, whom he lived with, achieved a CNN first: he made Larry King appear the most lucid one in an interview.

In fairness to Massa (and as he is quick to point out), the alleged groping took place on his 50^th birthday.  For all you frugal male friends of Massa who don’t know what to get him for his 51^st birthday, you can’t go wrong with letting him tickle you for an hour. Others of you may want to join me in getting him a cake and asking Senator Larry Craig to pop out of it.

Massa also told the media, while dodging the question himself, to “ask his wife if he was gay.” I am no political strategist, but I would imagine after years of marriage she is probably in on this gig. I did some rare research and determined that Eric Massa has fathered two children with his wife: one right after the Burt Reynolds semi-nude centerfold came out in Cosmo magazine, and the other shortly after Scott Brown’s magazine photo appeared in1982. It was then that Massa got interested in politics, with particular attention to polling his constituents.