NASA reaches out to Muslims, other federal agencies stick to their day jobs

The federal employees at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing know darn well why they go to work in the morning.

“Our job is to print currency,” the bureau’s spokeswoman Teresa Dean said when asked if her agency had any plans to follow NASA’s example and begin outreach efforts to the Muslim world. Her abrupt and dead-pan answer was telling.

Translation: No, why on Earth would we, and what kind of question is that?

The federal Risk Management Agency was even more blunt.

“Are you sure you want to talk to us?” a spokesman replied when asked the same question. “We deal with cattle.”

Just like it’s NASA’s job to build rocket ships and explore outer space. That is, if they can get around to it.

In an interview this week, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden told Al Jazeera that his “foremost” mission was to ensure that members of the Muslim world “feel good about their historic contribution to science…and math and engineering.” Of his other duties, Bolden said that President Obama insisted that he commit to inspiring children to excel in math and science education and expand relationships abroad.

What a relief. For all this time, the American people, utter fools that they are, assumed that it was the responsibility of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration to work toward the advancement of aeronautics and space exploration.

Given Bolden’s comments, it would only make sense for the heads of the other 1,300 or so federal agencies to have received similar calls of action from the president. In a sweeping declaration, Obama surely demanded that each agency put all other projects on hold and start doing some good-old-fashioned religious outreach and self-esteem boosting.

  • truebearing

    Maybe Sultan Obama will award a few billion to Hizbollah for their pioneering of the cheap, inaccurate rockets used to terrorize Israel.

    Maybe NASA can use Iran’s IED technology to blaze a trail in using unexploded bombs for launching satellites.

    Perhaps they will institute a ritualistic stoning of female NASA employees who are judged guilty, without trial, of adultery (kind of a Sharia pre-launch purification thing)

    Maybe they will give the space shuttle humps. (you can’t have too much water in outer space)

    From now on all space aliens will convert to Islam, or be beheaded (if they have heads)

  • aaarrrggg

    At one point do we start labeling this, the moves of dumb and dumber?