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Dear Matt, When your Tony Award winning book, “Fly Fishing With Darth Vader: And Other Adventures with Evangelical Wrestlers, Political Hitmen and Jewish Cowboys” was published last year — a book that caused Oprah, our generation’s Christ, to say, “I want him to be my best friend if Gayle dies” – I was too cheap to buy it. Any idea how I can get it at a discount? – Matt Labash
Be honest — are you reading my mail? It’s so weird that you asked me this question on the very day that Simon and Schuster is releasing the paperback edition. Now, for the rock-bottom Amazon price of $10.80, it can be yours. You could probably order it used even more cheaply. But you don’t want to buy a used “Fly Fishing with Darth Vader.” It could be germy. Especially if the original owner read the porn convention chapter. (If you do buy it used, please boil the book before handling it.)
But $10.80 – how much is that? Not much, it turns out. It’s about the price of two Starbucks lattes. Except that unlike at Starbucks, you don’t have to listen to Michael Bublé while waiting for your order to arrive. Put another way, it’s approximately half the price of Nelson Mandela’s “Conversations with Myself.” In fact, sources close to Mandela tell me that one conversation he had with himself was that “Fly Fishing With Darth Vader” was the only thing that got him through prison. Yes, he was released in 1990, some twenty years before it was published. But that’s what made Mandela, Mandela: prescience.
To sweeten the deal, I’m prepared to make an offer. If you order the book, and it doesn’t change your life, as it did Mandela’s, I’ll personally refund your money. If you can find me. And make me take out my wallet. And are strong enough to wrest a sawbuck from my clutches. I guess what I’m trying to say is if you want a refund, I’ll fight you. So don’t try to give the book back to me. You bought it. It’s your problem now.