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1.) Well, it looks like we’re eating Chinese food this year, kids — Contrary to earlier reports, when we want a turkey dinner abiding by Shariah — slaughtered awake, to the soothing sound of Islamic prayers — we have to do it the old-fashioned way. TheDC’s Neil Munro reports:
Butterball … has announced that its turkeys are not slaughtered according to Islam’s halal dietary principles, which say that animals should be killed while conscious and amid the sound of Islamic prayers. The theological turkey turnabout came after an online protest on the topic last year threatened to sour the public’s taste for Butterball-branded products. … “At this time, Butterball branded products are not certified halal,” said a company statement on Nov. 19. “This applies to both domestic and international Butterball products.” However, the company didn’t disavow future Islamic turkeys.
Now, before anyone gets all hot and bothered about Thanksgiving-Islamic infiltration or some garbage, consider this: Slaughtering turkeys when they’re awake really pisses off animal rights folks and half of Europe, so it may be a good trade.
2.) Do unto others whatever jerk things you do — The day before Thanksgiving, organized labor took a break from calls to let more people spend time with their families (by picketing?) to block LAX traffic on the biggest travel day of the year — thereby delaying holiday travelers. TheDC’s Christopher Bedford reports:
Members of the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) protested at entrances to the Los Angeles International Airport on Wednesday — the biggest travel day of the year — delaying people trying to spend time with their families and leading to a dozen arrests. Union members blocked a busy intersection after their permit had expired, The LA Times reports, leading to their arrests.
We mean, we don’t even really love Twinkies or turkey that much, but we do know one thing: We hate missing flights, and we hate losing jobs. A lot. So please, please take a break from screwing up the country, if only for the holiday.
3.) The great American rip-off — For every guy we know who should have gone to college but didn’t, there are 10 who should have learned a trade or at least done something — anything, really — that didn’t involve spending $120,000 and four years on socialist economics, 25 lbs. of fat and herpes. TheDC’s Eric Owens reports:
College is obviously overpriced these days and college debt is getting out of hand. And while a handful of schools have cut tuition or, at least, instituted tuition freezes, most schools blithely continue raising prices. … If you are a college dropout, if you never went, of if you are thinking about not going, take heart! This great country was practically built by people like you. Here are 16 people who never graduated from college who did pretty well for themselves, thank you very much.
Now some people might accuse us of being anti-education or some garbage like that. And we even considered explaining how wrong they are. But know what? We aren’t in their classroom anymore, and they aren’t our teachers anymore, so just shut up.
4.) The pen is mightier, Trebek — British star Susan Boyle gave the Twitterverse something to be thankful for on Wednesday. TheDC’s David Martosko reports:
Boyle’s digital marketing team tweeted an invitation Oct. 30 to an album party celebrating her musical collection “Standing Ovation: The Greatest Songs From The Stage,” but the impromptu hashtag #susanalbumparty — meant to convey “Susan Album Party” — was widely interpreted as “Su’s Anal Bum Party” instead. While the original tweet was quickly scrubbed from Boyle’s Twitter account, the hashtag has lived on. And as the Sun, a British tabloid, reported, the tweeting games began.
“Saturday Night Live” may not be as funny as it was (read: definitely isn’t) in the days of “Celebrity Jeopardy,” but the spirit lives on in the breast of the people.