The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

How Ted Cruz and defund Obamacare can win — in just 6 steps

Many in the media and the Republican establishment continue to defame Ted Cruz and the defund Obamacare movement, saying Cruz is reckless and the movement, however desirable, can’t succeed so long as Democrats control the Senate and Barack Obama controls the presidency.

We have a word for that where I come from: Poppycock!

Breitbart News has already explained one of Ted Cruz’s pathways to victory, but there are literally dozens of pathways. Indeed, the pathway Breitbart laid out seems less likely compared to the other conceivable options.

Below, I present to you an even more plausible pathway to victory for Ted Cruz and defund Obamacare movement, in just six steps. Read up, GOP establishment:

Step One: A meteor hits Joe Biden.

Step Two: With Biden temporarily (it was a small meteor) unable to perform his duties as vice president, Barack Obama shocks the political world by nominating Texas Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert to replace him.

“I really do love the book Team of Rivals,” Obama declares at the press conference. “And Louie makes great ribs.”

Acceding to the president’s wishes, Gohmert is rapidly confirmed by Congress.

Step Three: The Chicago Bulls offer President Obama a contract to be their point guard for the upcoming season. Tired of dealing with Syria and what he terms “those morons” in Congress, Obama decides to fulfill his boyhood dream and accept the offer. He promptly resigns the presidency.

Step Four: Louie Gohmert is sworn in as the 45th President of the United States. In an address from the Oval Office with his feet resting on his desk, Gohmert promises the “Gohmertization of America.”

Step Five: At Gohmert’s request, Chuck Norris, Sully Sullenberger, Jerry Seinfeld, and the cast of “Duck Dynasty” team up and threaten to campaign against any Democratic senator who refuses to vote to defund Obamacare. Under the specter of near-certain electoral defeat, Democratic senators running for re-election in 2014 immediately declare their support for defunding Obamacare.

Step Six: The House and Senate pass a continuing resolution that defunds Obamacare and President Louie Gohmert signs it into law. “With Obamacare defeated, or at least defunded for one year,” Gohmert declares, “I will seek from Congress a declaration of war against the Republican establishment.”

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