If you still care about Facebook in 2014, you might know that recently, the Worst Site Ever instituted a “real names” policy. That is, if your preferred moniker isn’t on your ID, you can’t use it on Facebook. Which is fine with me, even though I use a ridiculous fake name, because I got sick of Facebook last January.
Apparently, though, some Facebook users aren’t happy about having to use the names their mommies and daddies gave them. Here’s Mark Zuckerberg’s chief of staff, Chris Cox, bowing and scraping to these designated victims:
I want to apologize to the affected community of drag queens, drag kings, transgender, and extensive community of our friends, neighbors, and members of the LGBT community for the hardship that we’ve put you through in dealing with your Facebook accounts over the past few weeks.
In the two weeks since the real-name policy issues surfaced, we’ve had the chance to hear from many of you in these communities and understand the policy more clearly as you experience it. We’ve also come to understand how painful this has been. We owe you a better service and a better experience using Facebook, and we’re going to fix the way this policy gets handled so everyone affected here can go back to using Facebook as you were.
Has anyone else in human history ever had to deal with such hardship? Has anyone ever been so downtrodden? Sheesh. Who knew drag queens were such drama queens?
Of course, if you don’t like Facebook’s policies, you could always quit. But a Facebook employee isn’t going to tell you that… unless you’re a Republican.
If you’re not getting enough attention and you feel like making a rich jerk grovel in front of you, just dress up like somebody of the opposite gender* and cry real tears about having to follow the same rules as everybody else. Works every time.
*Or sex, or chromosomal happenstance, or whatever we’re supposed to call it this week.