Lots of joyless, miserable people dislike Halloween, but we all have different ways of coping with it. For example, I deal with it by setting elaborate, mind-shattering traps for trick-or-treaters, like in the Saw movies. But I wouldn't dream of banning the holiday altogether, even for the little twerps who are smart enough not to invade my property.
Jim Treacher | All Articles
Just shut up, wingnut. You don't need to be able to defend yourself. If something bad happens to you, just wait for the police. That's why we have police! You can trust them. You can rely on them. You can, and must, defer to their judgment.
Right there in the United States of America. Well, if you want to count Oregon.
Ladies and gentlemen: Mr. Seth Rogen.
Remember that? Before Chris Mercer's victims' bodies had even cooled, the President of the United States stood before us and said this:
Standing up for the right to kill as many babies as you want won't give you the key to the Texas governor's mansion, but it will give you the key to America's hearts.
This week, I finally got around to picking up The Martian by Andy Weir. I figure I may as well read the book instead of seeing the movie, now that galactic jackass Neil deGrasse Tyson has spoiled it for everybody. Plus, this way I don't have to look at Matt Damon or make him any richer.
I'm against people calling 911 for frivolous reasons, unless it's funny.
If the great Jay Leno has taught us anything, it's that sticking a microphone into the faces of Californians means tapping into a rich, delicious vein of stupidity.
As you read the following story, remember that the year is 2015. Not 1015.
Not a tall person. Not a midget. Not a figurative tall midget. An actual tall midget.
One of the benefits of being an old person is that cameraphones and social media didn't exist when you were 19. None of the stupid things you did were captured for posterity. One bad evening with a headful of hooch and hormones didn't follow you around for life.
I'm not the biggest fan of Halloween, but it hasn't been so bad ever since I installed the electric fence, gator-filled moat, and land mines all around my compound. The only treat those little rugrats are getting is a ride in an ambulance.
Hey, you fight with the weapons you have. Lord knows Hillary's got plenty of unsold copies of Hard Choices.
I knew things were bad over there. I had no idea they were this bad.
This weekend in Montana, brothers Chase and Shane Dellwo were bow-hunting for elk when Chase was attacked by a grizzly bear. Thanks to some quick thinking and a knowledge of bear anatomy, Chase lived to tell the tale.
Rachel Dolezal is a huge hero!
I'm not saying they're a bunch of racists. I'm just pointing out what they're doing.