It means you have to stand next to the man while he spews crazy stream-of-consciousness word salad about whoever has hurt his ego the most at that particular millisecond. And more importantly, it means being able to control every muscle in your face so you don't become a meme like Chris "Always a Bridesmaid" Christie.
Jim Treacher | All Articles
It's strange that whenever there's an Islamic terrorist attack and we're told the jihadi acted alone, we're supposed to be comforted. Somehow, it's supposed to be a relief that he wasn't part of a larger cell or group. But if the whole idea of a terrorist attack is to infiltrate an area and catch everybody by surprise, aren't "lone wolf" attacks even harder to prevent? Isn't a lone terrorist more stealthy than a group of them?
Did you know that those evil, knuckle-dragging teabaggers actually think Hillary Clinton should go to prison, just because she indisputably broke federal law and endangered national security over a period of years, and got away with it because she's too big to jail? And it gets even worse: Some of these drooling genetic anomalies even printed up buttons to reflect that twisted belief. Sick!
During Ted Cruz's speech at the RNC last night, he refused to endorse Donald Trump. Instead, he said this: "And to those listening, please, don't stay home in November. Stand, and speak, and vote your conscience, vote for candidates up and down the ticket who you trust to defend our freedom and to be faithful to the Constitution." He extolled the virtues of freedom and liberty, and he expressed his love of America, but that was it. The crowd booed him, and for good reason. Lyin' Ted, the unlikable Canadian with an ugly wife (and whose dad might've killed JFK, we don't know, there's something funny going on there), made a big mistake by refusing to kiss Mr. Trump's ring. Here's why.
No, not between Donald Trump and whoever said something bad about him on cable news within the previous 10 minutes. Not that kind of pissing match. I'm talking about actual piss.
I haven't seen the literally dickless Ghostbusters yet, which is both good news and bad news. Good news, because I'm an agent of the patriarchy and therefore my opinion doesn't matter. Bad news, because I have disposable income and this movie hasn't gotten any of it. But it's 2016, so I'm used to being wrong no matter what I do.
Lately, the completely unrelated incidents of violence committed by Islamic psychos seem to be picking up pace. They're not quite hourly yet, but we're getting there. Here's the latest, as of late Tuesday morning (EST).
As Betsy Rothstein notes, last night Melania Trump plagiarized material from a 2008 Michelle Obama speech. Hey, if you're gonna steal, steal from the... um...
Here's today's terror attack. Or should I say this evening's terror attack? They seem to be becoming an hourly occurrence.
Gavin Eugene Long was an angry racist who praised Dallas cop-killer Micah Xavier Johnson. He was a black supremacist. On Sunday, he killed three Baton Rouge police officers after luring them in with a 911 call. He was an evil, cowardly, murdering piece of crap.
Donald Trump is going to be the GOP nominee for president, whether you like it or not. (If you do like it, congratulations. Why are you still so angry?) A lot of people are going to protest in Cleveland this week, which is their right. And I'm going to laugh at them, which is my right. It works out great for everybody. This is America, at least for now.
If you're still trying to process what happened in Nice, France, Louise Mensch at Heat Street has some news that might help you understand the sort of people we're dealing with.
I'm seeing some dumb headlines this morning, and they reflect something I've been seeing for a while, so I figure it's time to make a no-doubt-futile effort to address it.
Get ready to laugh. If you don't laugh, keep watching it until you do laugh. You need to get used to this, because you're going to see a lot more of it over the next eight years.
If you don't know who Dylan Noble was, don't blame me.
Conservatives are really excited about the future of the Republican Party, thanks to guys like Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich. So this is really great news.
This is a thing that exists. People made it. Watch what they made.
Did you know that there's a new phone game called Pokémon Go? Of course you do. It's all anyone can f***ing talk about, suddenly. It's a game, and you can get it on your phone, and it's Pokémon, and you're obligated to know what in the world that means or else you're a loser. (Hooray for 2016.) But don't worry, it will only take a few minutes to get you up to speed. After this, you'll know absolutely everything you need to know about Pokémon Go. Let's do this!