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Jim Treacher

Polar Bears Are The Enemy Of Mankind, As Are All Other Animals

A polar bear keeps close to her young along the Beaufort Sea coast in Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, Alaska in a March 6, 2007 file photo.  REUTERS/Susanne Miller/USFWS/Handout

When the end comes, and it will, civilization won't fall to bombs or plagues or earthquakes or robots or zombies or bug-eyed hackers in hoodies. No, our end will come at the paws and claws of the animals. One day, all the beasts of the field will get tired of us eating them and skinning them and dressing them up in ridiculous costumes, and they will band together and turn on us. Animals are dumb, but it's only a matter of time before they wise up.

Obama Stares Down Glacier Or Something

11:17 AM 09/02/2015

The Greatest President in History is finally beginning to manage his expectations a bit. He may not be able to lower the rise of the oceans just yet, but he's still cooler than some big ice cube.

Why Did Virginia State Police Delete Footage Of Vester Flanagan’s Crash Site?

9:38 AM 08/31/2015

Hours after Bryce Williams, AKA Vester Flanagan, shot three people on live television because he believed the words "field" and "swing" were racist, we were told that he had crashed his rental car on a Virginia highway and committed suicide before the police could apprehend him. Hours after that, we were told he had survived his suicide attempt and died later in the hospital.

MSNBC Scales Back Hurricane Katrina Retrospective Because Of Brian Williams’ Huge Lies

1:27 PM 08/28/2015

It all started to fall apart for Brian Williams when somebody noticed that he claimed to have been shot down in Iraq, even though in the physical world he never got shot down in Iraq or anywhere else. Then people started doing some digging, and they found a bunch of other things he just plain made up. And now, it's starting to affect his brand-new home before he even moves in.