Jim Treacher | All Articles

Jim Treacher

See You In A Couple Of Weeks

Hey, kids. Just a quick note, if anybody's interested, that I'll be offline for a while. I don't remember the last time I took a break from the 60/60/24/7 news cycle. I really need one.

I Believe Donald Trump

2:20 PM 08/09/2016

If you're one of these #NeverTrump people who love Hillary Clinton and want her to be president, you're willing to tell a lot of lies about what Mr. Trump says. Or maybe you're just too stupid to shut up and listen and understand. Probably both. Regardless, you should be ashamed of yourself. What's wrong with making America great again? Why don't you want to do that? What's wrong with you?

‘Clock Kid’ Ahmed Mohamed Wants More Attention, So Here It Is

12:38 PM 08/08/2016

Cool clock, Ahmed! It reads 00:15:01. You got to meet Obama and Larry Wilmore, and you made people feel good about standing up to "Islamophobia," and you even got a scholarship to go to school in Qatar. But now you're back in America, and nobody's paying attention to you anymore, and so now your publicity-hound dad is doing this.

Trump Finally Says Something I Like

10:39 AM 08/03/2016

Look, I don't have anything in particular against babies. Everybody loves babies, Planned Parenthood aside. I'm sure your baby is great. He or she is undoubtedly cute and smart and wonderful, because you're cute and smart and wonderful. Terrific. You're terrific, and your baby is terrific. Good for you.

Air Force Mom Gets Booed At Pence Rally

9:50 AM 08/02/2016

I think Patricia Smith deserves much more respect than she's gotten from Hillary Clinton, and I think the parents of U.S. Army Captain Humayun Khan deserve much more respect than they've gotten from Donald Trump. I'm told this makes me "disingenuous," but that's my sincere opinion. The families of Americans who serve their country aren't infallible or above criticism, but they do deserve our respect.

Gawker’s Nick Denton Files For Personal Bankruptcy

3:23 PM 08/01/2016

Sometimes I despair that all hope is lost. It seems like the human race is incapable of learning from our mistakes. We just keep doing the same stupid crap over and over and over again. I get numb to it all. Sure, the sun'll come out tomorrow, but... who cares?

Hillary Clinton’s Voice Is Like A Soothing Lullaby

9:24 AM 07/29/2016

Many of us have a favorite sound. Something that calms us and helps us find a little peace in our chaotic lives: The gentle singing of birds. The soft roar of a waterfall. The steady, hypnotic ticking of a grandfather clock. Hillary Clinton yawping into a microphone at the top of her lungs.

Colbert Wants To Ask Trump: ‘What Does Putin’s D*** Taste Like?’

12:21 PM 07/28/2016

Look, I'm not happy about the GOP nominee openly calling for the Russians to hack an American, even if that American is a horrible person who shouldn't be anywhere near the White House. Even if they already have hacked her, which they probably have, and he's just doing his civic duty by telling them to reveal that information. (Seriously, some Trumpkins are saying that.)

Bernie Stops Pretending To Be A Democrat

9:47 AM 07/28/2016

Don't you hate it when a guy joins your political party for the sole purpose of running for president, and then tries to boss you around as if he's been there the whole time? Isn't it annoying to listen to some Johnny-come-lately try to tell you what you should believe?