Jim Treacher | All Articles

Jim Treacher

Milford, CT Public Schools Ban Halloween

              A carved pumpkin is displayed as part of the Pumpkin Mania display on the steps of Old Morrison on the Transylvania University campus in Lexington, Ky., Monday, Oct. 29, 2012. Over 250 carved pumpkins are displayed and will remain through the Halloween holiday. (AP Photo/The Lexington Herald-Leader, Charles Bertram)

Lots of joyless, miserable people dislike Halloween, but we all have different ways of coping with it. For example, I deal with it by setting elaborate, mind-shattering traps for trick-or-treaters, like in the Saw movies. But I wouldn't dream of banning the holiday altogether, even for the little twerps who are smart enough not to invade my property.

Remember: Cops Are The Only Ones Who Should Have Guns

1:28 PM 10/12/2015

Just shut up, wingnut. You don't need to be able to defend yourself. If something bad happens to you, just wait for the police. That's why we have police! You can trust them. You can rely on them. You can, and must, defer to their judgment.

SOMEBODY Really Wanted Mac & Cheese

2:29 PM 10/07/2015

One of the benefits of being an old person is that cameraphones and social media didn't exist when you were 19. None of the stupid things you did were captured for posterity. One bad evening with a headful of hooch and hormones didn't follow you around for life.