There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and Kamala Harris writhing with awkwardness every time she steps in front of a camera.
Scratch that: life actually has four certainties. The fourth is that you will grow up to be an adult, and when you grow up to be an adult, there are some things you simply can’t do outside the obvious, like committing a heinous crime. You can’t skip off to Las Vegas for a week-long, coke-induced bender with your old high school buddies while your wife is at home with the week-old newborn. You can’t berate your liberal mother-in-law for calling Joe Biden the best president America has seen in her lifetime (you can, but I wouldn’t recommend it). (RELATED: There’s A Silver Lining To Biden’s Border Nightmare That Will Have Golf Fans Cheering)
But most importantly — and I cannot stress this enough — you cannot, no matter how grossly immature and stuck in your childhood you may be, no matter how much soy passes through your flabby, millennial body in your daily diet — you cannot buy a Funko Pop! Toy. Period. Full stop.
Not only does such a purchase instantly turn men into beta regime toads, it also turns otherwise attractive women into those turbo high-waisted jean Alpha Gamma girls everyone avoids at the party even if the beer goggles are extra high prescription that night. If Nancy Mace, the paragon of womanhood and beauty, bought a Funko Pop, this columnist would soon see her as a walking red flag instead of a graceful and composed future Vice President from the Low Country. (RELATED: Forget MLK: America’s Real Civil Rights Icon Deserves Federal Holiday, Just Not For The Reasons You Think)
VP Harris, already the embodiment of every quality that makes liberal women utterly intolerable, dug herself into a deeper hole Thursday when she touted her new George Clinton Funko Pop purchase for the cameras.
WATCH:
“Border czar” Kamala Harris has time for shopping — but not visiting the southern border pic.twitter.com/hklgFddl8q
— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) February 22, 2024
There are many reasons to fault Joe Biden‘s incompetent veep. The garbled mush that gushes out of her mouth every time she opens it. Her s m o o t h brain, hideous CAH-ckles. Her officiousness.
But a Funko Pop? Unforgivable and cringe! More appalling than her performance as border czar, which was so disastrous the White House literally stuffed her away in Joe’s basement like a Buffalo Bill victim in “Silence of the Lambs,” hoping no one would ever notice. Frankly, it would’ve been more respectable if Kamala was caught ordering a vibrator off Amazon.
America deserves adults in the room who will be decorating their desks with Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa and Mark Maguire bobbleheads, not Funko Pops. America deserves better than Kamala.
