Glorified Court Jesters Wear Silly Clothes, Give Themselves Trophies While You Worry About Buying Food

(Photo by Patrick T. Fallon / AFP) (Photo by PATRICK T. FALLON/AFP via Getty Images)

Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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A large group of people with unique personality issues gathered Sunday night to celebrate each other despite achieving absolutely nothing of substance in the last 12 months. It’s an event they call “the Oscars.”

Humanity is in crisis. We’re on the brink of World War III. U.S. food prices are skyrocketing. The housing market is collapsing. Sea levels are rising as our cities are sinking. And governmental and medical institutions are normalizing the mutilation of children.

But amid all that turmoil, one unique demographic of predominantly American humans got together to celebrate their absolute lack of any real purpose on Sunday night: actors.

The 2024 Oscars was yet another glorified bathhouse orgy of verbal self-pleasuring, cringe and revelatory behavior in a world that has almost entirely lost interest in anything these people have to offer. I mean, how little do you have to respect yourself to have any respect for the nominees and presenters at this awards show?

Most actors are paid extreme amounts of money to read lines written by slightly smarter people (fiction writers). They move their bodies precisely as directed by extremely controlling people (directors). And they wear clothes designed for someone they will never, ever be. The only demographic within acting that deserves support and success are those who work in theater. Everyone else is a glorified court jester.

No, seriously. If you are an actor on television, film, and spend your days being a little drama queen on a private set, you’re the least talented demographic within humanity. You exist to entertain, and you are so easily replaced. (RELATED: ‘I Know People Who Never Recover From It’: Seth Rogen Spills On The Fragility Of Hollywood)

Whether it’s John Cena showing up naked for no discernable reason whatsoever, or Emily Ratajkowski’s failed attempt at couture, the Oscars is nothing for Hollywood or the acting community to be proud of. In fact, one day, I bet the rest of the world uses events like these as the reason they start eating the rich again … maybe this time it’ll be literal.