Politics

The DC Morning – July 27, 2010

Will Obamacare paperwork lead to increased suicidal thoughts?Paul Ryan wishes his party cared about governing as much as he doesBarbara Boxer knows that being real these days ain’t easyNetroots ninnies are allegedly terrified of John ThuneDemocrats are not completely sold on the idea that they are going to lose everything in 2010Dems from the Rustbelt feel like laundry in the wind

1.) Obamacare snitches to receive subsidized stitches — “Beginning in 2012, Section 9006 of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act will require small businesses to submit Form 1099s for every business transaction over $600 for products and services,” reports The Daily Caller’s Caroline May. “This includes everything from office supplies to shipping costs to cleaning services and the like.” That’s a mountain of paperwork every week for the average small business, the alleged vertebrae of the American economy. The goal? Close the tax gap. It’s money due Uncle Sam, and he will collect, even if he has to ban alcohol-based cleaning products and box cutters from every IRS office in the country. California Republican Rep. Dan Lungren, however, would rather simplify the tax code than suffocate businesses and tax collectors with the mountains of paperwork demanded by “the Universal Snitch Act.” This is a good name!
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2.) Paul Ryan is dead-set on filling the human vacuum — “We are a decentralized party right now from a leadership standpoint. We don’t have some obvious nominee, and who knows who that’s going to be. So I just feel like it’s important for some of us to step in and help define the moment,” Rep. Paul Ryan told The Daily Caller’s Jon Ward. See? He wasn’t trying to embarrass the shameless ladder-climbers who comprise the upper tier of his party’s heirarchy! Rather, “I’m just adding ideas to the pile to try and move the debate forward,” Ryan said. Incidentally, the pile is looking a little tipsy right now: Over there is a Play-Doh model of Barry Goldwater in a toga; midway up the pile is an oxidized placard reading, “Read my lips”; Oh, and there at the top is Ryan, posing like Chevy Chase on the cover of European Vacation. “There is a belief that let’s put details out there in the fall, when people are really beginning to pay attention. So I’m not disappointed because I know a lot is coming in the very near future,” Ryan said. *Deep sigh*
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3.) Sen. Barbara Boxer has her M-16 locked, loaded and spitting properly; whoever’s in that line of fire gets a chest full of democracy — “I don’t care whether you are a policeman or a fireman or a veteran or by chance a member of Congress. We know what we are up against. And it is hard for people who are not there to understand the pressure and the great things that go along with it and the tough things that go along with it.” Yes, reader: Sen. Barbara Boxer of Californ-I-A actually compared her job as an elected harpy to running through flame-drenched high-rises, catching serial killers, and fighting insurgents. Can you believe it? The veterans’ group that’s shilling for Carly Fiorina cannot believe it! “Equating the experiences of members of Congress with those of brave soldiers who have fought to defend our country is just the latest example in a failed career marked by disrespect for our men and women in uniform,” said Lt. Commander Paul Chabot. Ha, he clearly does not get the tough things that go a long with it.
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4.) Liberals are getting red in the chest just thinking about Mama Grizzly — “If former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin decides to jump into the 2012 presidential race, liberals would be thrilled, an unofficial poll released today shows,” reports CBS News. Apparently, liberals believe that no matter how badly Pres. Barack Obama is doing come 2012, Palin’s record as a wolf-hunting gubernatorial quitter will make him seem like Nostradamus. “In a straw poll of attendees at the Netroots Nation conference in Las Vegas over the weekend, 48 percent of respondents said they’d like to see Palin as the Republican Party’s 2012 nominee. Rep. Ron Paul came in a distant second, at 11 percent. Ten percent voted for Rick Santorum, 9 percent for Mitt Romney and 8 percent for Newt Gingrich.” The one person who didn’t poll? Not even a little bit? John Thune. “John Thune is somebody that I have nightmares about,” said DNC executive director Jennifer O’Malley Dillon. “He has his head down and is doing some policy stuff.” Reverse psychology? Honesty? INCEPTION?!
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5.) Democrats are going to delude themselves up until the last minute! — “Nationally, liberal and progressive groups remain undaunted — looking ahead on the primary calendar and touting candidates they think have the potential to upend the party establishment,” reports The Hill. But that doesn’t mean Dems have convinced themselves that it’s going to be a quick ride on the lazy river. “Part of the trouble for activists is that in a year where polls show the party’s base is far from motivated, drumming up the money and grassroots energy needed to topple Democratic Party favorites in congressional primaries is far from top of the agenda.” Good luck, idiots!
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6.) Midwest liberals feel like dumpster babies right now — When Democratic Rep. John Boccieri went home to Ohio early this year to talk with voters in his Canton-based district, he figured he would have to do battle with at least some constituents over his support for health-care reform. And the economic stimulus. And the auto company bailouts.” But according to the Washington Post, it was the carbon cap that Boccieri’s constituents were twisting their panties over. “Boccieri said he was tired of wars based on ‘petrol dictators and big oil,'” says the Post, and he assured his voters that an energy bill would have different outcomes than they expected. Now? Now, Congressional leadership has left him and other Rustbelt legislators twisting in the wind like a wet pair of long johns on a warm spring afternoon. “Although lawmakers are reluctant to say so publicly, their aides and campaign advisers privately complain that the speaker and the president left Democrats exposed on an unpopular issue that has little hope of being signed into law.”
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