Just kidding! April 1st is like St. Patrick’s Day, except instead of alcoholism, all the amateurs attempt humor.
A typical April Fools’ Day “joke” consists of announcing something that would never really happen, which is funny because it would never really happen. Here’s Netflix making an attempt:
“WTF? They made a movie about John Stamos? April has 31 days?” Hey, look at a calendar, dummy! You were fooled by this really great hoax that is funny.
But wait, there’s less! When you scroll down the page, even more hilarity ensues:
Get it? Because John Stamos. So random, right? This is the part where you laugh.
Here are some other really hilarious April Fools’ gags you can enjoy today:
America roared with socially mandated laughter at the trailer for the literally dickless version of Ghostbusters. But did you know that scientists have invented a real-life proton pack?
April Fools! You were fooled. Admit that you were fooled.
Trader Joe’s put out a fake press release announcing they’ll be closing all their stores by 2017. That’s a terrific joke because all the people who work at Trader Joe’s don’t need their jobs. LOL.
A tech company (or… IS it?) called Prysm announced the creation of TV in a spray can. There’s a fake product launch video at the link, which I guess will be mildly amusing if you watch a lot of product launch videos.
Google!
Google.
No, Africa has not really been changed from a continent to a country. Sorry, Sarah Palin!
Your tax dollars are hard at work, America:
#BREAKING: #USArmy @NatickSSC scientists successfully 'teleport' Soldiers https://t.co/4P8ZJsNg32 pic.twitter.com/Z4UUj3yWzX
— U.S. Army (@USArmy) April 1, 2016
Fooled ya! You really thought that was true, didn’t you? Ha ha ha.
Here’s another bit of funny humor comedy that you’re paying for whether you like it or not:
LOL x ∞!
The Daily Mail announced that an actress named Olivia Coleman will be the new James Bond. See, because she’s a woman, and James Bond is a man, and it’s 2016.
A lot of news outlets have announced that Donald Trump is the Republican frontrunner for president… Oh wait. That one makes the whole idea of April Fools’ Day redundant.
The best thing about April 1st is that eventually it ends. These people should leave humor to the professionals. I’m not funny either, but at least I’ve had plenty of practice at it.
I’m not tipping my hat to Abby Ohlheiser and Caitlin Dewey for finding those examples of April Fools frivolity, and a lot more. (Gotcha! I really did tip my hat to them just now.)
P.S. No, I don’t care if it’s April Fools’ Day or April Fool’s Day or April Fools Day. They all stink.
P.P.S. Okay, guys, I fell for this one. Not fair, posting it at 13 minutes to Midnight…