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Jim Treacher

Ben Sasse Defines Conservatism For A Bewildered Chuck Todd

U.S. Senator Ben Sasse (R-NE) speaks at the American Conservative Union 2016 annual conference in Maryland March 3, 2016. REUTERS/Gary Cameron.

I missed the following exchange last Monday a long time ago, because it happened on MSNBC. As you're about to see, a rather hostile-sounding Chuck Todd asked Senator Ben Sasse (R-NE) to define conservatism. I assume Chuck was frustrated with Sasse's refusal to submit to Trump, thereby confirming Chuck's biases about Republicans. Or maybe Chuck was having a bad day. Or is that just how he talks? It's been so long, I can't remember.

Okay, I’m Done With Weiner Jokes Forever

11:51 AM 09/21/2016

It was funny when Anthony Weiner messed up the first time, tweeting out a dong pic and then trying and disastrously failing to blame it on Andrew Breitbart. It was even funnier when he destroyed his NYC mayoral campaign by sexting with some airhead from Evansville, IN. But it got a lot less funny when he sent a very inappropriate family photo to a still-unnamed, fortyish Trump supporter who really, really takes care of herself. And now the humor value has finally run out.

Joss Whedon Wants To Get You Excited For Hillary, Everybody

10:01 AM 09/21/2016

Joss Whedon was the co-creator of Firefly, a show so libertarian that the ship was shaped like Drew Carey. So of course it was cancelled after 11 episodes, because everybody hates libertarians. And like all third-wave feminists in good standing, last year I was furious at Whedon for making the Black Widow sad that she can never have a child. Joss Whedon is problematic, is what I'm saying.

Minnesota Mall Terrorist Taken Down By NRA-Certified Firearms Instructor

8:16 PM 09/19/2016

#NotAllMuslims are terrorists, but Dahir Adan was. That's the name of the terrorist who ran around a mall in Minnesota on Saturday, asking people if they were Muslim and then stabbing them. Nobody was killed, and that's thanks to a civilian who put a stop to it by exercising his Second Amendment rights.

Here’s Why Trump’s ‘Birther’ Media Stunt Convinced Me To Abandon My Principles And Support Him

1:21 PM 09/16/2016

Donald Trump is a big-government liberal who used his mastery of the media to nab the GOP nomination. And because he's running as a Republican, most of the media feel duty-bound to oppose him. They were fine with using him for ratings, but playtime is over now. They have to get him, no matter what. The more games he plays with them, the more enraged they get. At this point, they're willing to call down an air strike on their own position if they think he'll get taken out too. Which is pretty much what happened today, when Trump lured a bunch of reporters into what they thought would be a press conference about the dumb "birther" thing. But then he turned it into an infomercial for himself. He made the media do exactly what he wanted them to do, and they're furious that they fell for it. Tee hee! I don't like it when Trump mocks journalists' physical infirmities, but I'm fine with him exploiting their emotional ones. That's why I've decided to give in, once and for all. Here's why I'll be voting for Donald Trump on November 8, and why you should too:

Is Climate Change Forcing Polar Bears To Hunt Humans?

12:44 PM 09/15/2016

The "Russian bear" was a stereotype long before good ol' Vlad Putin sauntered around shirtless outdoors, showing off his baloney boobs for the cameras. But what happens when Russians meet real bears? How do they get along with each other? Are they friends?

Vote Trump, Because Hannity Has A Brown Belt

9:14 AM 09/14/2016

Up until now, I've been pretty arrogant about dismissing Donald Trump. "I'm not voting for that guy, or pretending it's a good idea to vote for that guy," I'd sneer, as I probably cashed my huge checks from the shadowy forces secretly paying me to say such awful things. "What can those dumb Trumpkins do about it? Nothing!" Then I'd undoubtedly throw back my head and cackle like a madman at their pathetic attempts to stop me.