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Jim Treacher
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Lena Dunham & J.J. Abrams Make Animated Film Glorifying Planned Parenthood

11:22 AM 01/17/2017

Are you an abortion enthusiast, but you're tired of explaining to a bunch of dumb hillbillies why it's so great to kill a child before it can inconvenience you? Lena Dunham and J.J. Abrams know your pain, and they've created a short film to explain why all those anti-choice baby-huggers are wrong and Planned Parenthood is great. The film is called 100 Years, but with J.J. on board, I'm giving it a new title: The Forceps Awaken.

Alt-Right Leader Humiliated When Nazis Find Out His Wife Is Jewish

6:23 PM 01/16/2017

I don't think a politician should be held accountable for the actions of every single one of his followers, whether the politician is a Democrat, a Republican, or Trump. As Ronald Reagan once said, when some creep tried to pull that dirty trick on him: "They support me; I don't support them." So I don't blame the president-elect for the handful of alt-right cretins who worship him, or pretend to worship him because they think it's funny, or whatever they're doing.

Feds Finally Arrest Omar Mateen’s Wife

12:34 PM 01/16/2017

The Pulse nightclub massacre, committed by Omar Mateen, happened 7 months ago. Mateen's wife disappeared soon after, and nobody seemed to know or care where she went. Why would they? There was no way to blame the NRA or the Republican Party.

Ringling Bros Folds Up Its Tent

9:00 AM 01/16/2017

Like I always say (and I do mean always), animals are dumb. They are the greatest enemies of mankind, and I only tolerate their existence for three purposes: pets, food, and/or transportation. Otherwise, those repulsive beasts are on their own. Sorry, Cecil.

Goodbye ‘Blame Bush,’ Hello ‘Blame Trump’

10:54 AM 01/13/2017

I don't particularly like Donald Trump. I definitely don't trust Donald Trump. And I absolutely did not vote for Donald Trump. But that doesn't mean I'm going to pretend he's been the President of the United States for the past 8 years, and that all the bad stuff in the world is now his fault.