I'm rooting for Kid Rock to run for the Senate, because I firmly believe this is the Darkest Timeline so why not. But it might turn out to be the case that his! name! is! iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineligible!
Jim Treacher | All Articles
Earlier today, President Trump once again accused CNN of spreading fake news. CNN's Jim Acosta, no stranger to fire-ass owns himself, retorted: "Haven't you spread a lot of fake news yourself, sir?" BOOM!!! (Sure, the implicit admission on Acosta's part is that CNN has spread a lot of fake news, but whatevs.) Now that we understand the parameters of Acosta's job, Dear Reader, we can help him think of some more awesome comebacks to use.
Better late than never, eh, Angie?
Hey, everybody, right-wing extremists are more dangerous than Islamic extremists. I know this because CBS News "looked at the data." You want to see "the data"? Here's "the data."
It’s Wrong To Physically Attack People For What They Say, Even If What They Say Makes You Very Angry
I hate Illinois Nazis. I also hate Nazis in the other 49 states. What a bunch of complete losers. Even if one of these Nazi cosplayer pinheads hadn't murdered someone in Charlottesville this weekend -- and Virginia has the death penalty, so I hope James Alex Fields enjoys the feeling of that cold, cold needle going into his arm before they stop his heart and his cowardly, miserable life -- even if the violence hadn't escalated, these guys would still be pathetic.
James Damore, the Google employee who wrote an internal memo outlining what he saw as the source of the company's diversity problems and how he thought they could be fixed, was of course fired immediately. But is that really enough to solve the problem?
A few years ago, French director Luc Besson's film Lucy made a bunch of money. Unfortunately, his follow-up Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets doesn't star Scarlett Johansson, and c'est une bombe. Now Besson is mad at America for letting him down.
As the Google company has taught us this week, men and women are completely the same in every way. There is absolutely no difference whatsoever between the two sexes, and saying otherwise is a firing offense.* That's why it's great that the U.S. Navy has finally started allowing women to join their Sea, Air, and Land Teams. Now they just need to make it easier for those gals to keep up.
As an Islamophobic torture-loving warmonger, I was a big fan of the first few seasons of 24. (Y'know, before Kiefer started looking like he was embarrassed and wanted to move on.) It was ridiculous, but I loved it. One of my favorite tropes was when Jack Bauer would get called on the carpet, and he'd bark something like: "Look, I know more about these bad guys than anybody. You gotta let me do this!" No matter how much death and destruction and chaos Bauer left in his wake, he was always the only guy who could fix things. It made sense from a TV production standpoint, because he was the star and they needed to keep up the frenetic pace of the show. But it strained credulity to the point where it became the funniest show on television.
At this point, I'm reacting to President Trump's bluster about "fire and fury" the same way I take everything else he says: I'll believe it when I see it. Maybe he means it. Maybe he just said whatever came off the top of his head, as he's been known to do from time to time. Whatever. I'm not going to panic over it. This isn't the first time an American president has warned North Korea not to mess with us.
First Bradley Manning betrayed his country. Then he betrayed his own gender. By all means, let's celebrate his "achievements," and enable his delusions about himself and the world he lives in.
Today is National Lazy Day, because typing out the more grammatically proper "National Laziness Day" is too much work. How are you celebrating?
I love the inherent assumption that leads off the following story from Josh Gerstein at Politico: A heartbreaking electoral loss for the Democratic Party is sufficient punishment for any wrongdoing. Why can't you people just leave poor Hillary alone?
Are you guys fired up for Netroots Nation this weekend? You know, Netroots? The annual lefty political conference that used to be known as YearlyKos, before they rebranded it because nobody really likes Markos Moulitsas? Yeah, that one. It's being held in Atlanta this year, and they're bringing in a local boy to help out.
I'm not a big fan of James Franco's work, other than Freaks and Geeks and the first 20 minutes of Pineapple Express. But I've always kind of admired his eclectic interests. He doesn't let Hollywood tell him what "movie stars" should and shouldn't do, and he gets himself into all sorts of weird, esoteric stuff. He's a dilettante, but at least he actually seems to care about the things he dabbles in. His latest venture is a YouTube series called Philosophy Time, where he sits around with academics and kinda-sorta debates various topics for a few minutes. In one recent episode, he jumped right in and stomped on that third rail: abortion.
The failing New York Times -- a terrible newspaper that prints nothing but lies, very bad! -- is reporting that President Trump's promise to rain down "fire and fury" on North Korea if they mess with us was off the cuff. He didn't discuss it with any of his aides beforehand. Is this a good idea, Dear Reader?
Today is a pretty rough day to be a #woke Wonder Woman fan. First we learned that when the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin advertised a women-only showing of Wonder Woman, they broke local anti-discrimination laws. Whoops! But this latest news is even worse. This is going to make a lot of feminists even angrier, if that's even possible.
If I ran a small business, I imagine I'd probably try to be on friendly terms with the local cops. Just seems like a good idea, from a business perspective. But the great thing about working for yourself is that you set the rules. You decide how you're going to generate bad publicity and alienate as many people as possible.
[Correction: I thought the horrible act of misogyny you're about to witness happened in America, but it was in Germany. I regret the error, but I still hope this man's life is ruined for this. Being German is no excuse!]
We all remember how Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton blamed the Benghazi attack on a YouTube video. That didn't work out for them very well, but it was almost six years ago. Time to give that old trick another try.