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Jim Treacher

POLL: Pick Jim Acosta’s Next Snappy Comeback

4:45 PM 08/14/2017

Earlier today, President Trump once again accused CNN of spreading fake news. CNN's Jim Acosta, no stranger to fire-ass owns himself, retorted: "Haven't you spread a lot of fake news yourself, sir?" BOOM!!! (Sure, the implicit admission on Acosta's part is that CNN has spread a lot of fake news, but whatevs.) Now that we understand the parameters of Acosta's job, Dear Reader, we can help him think of some more awesome comebacks to use.

It’s Wrong To Physically Attack People For What They Say, Even If What They Say Makes You Very Angry

8:40 AM 08/14/2017

I hate Illinois Nazis. I also hate Nazis in the other 49 states. What a bunch of complete losers. Even if one of these Nazi cosplayer pinheads hadn't murdered someone in Charlottesville this weekend -- and Virginia has the death penalty, so I hope James Alex Fields enjoys the feeling of that cold, cold needle going into his arm before they stop his heart and his cowardly, miserable life -- even if the violence hadn't escalated, these guys would still be pathetic.

Looks Like We’ll Have To Wait A While Longer For The First Female Navy SEAL

12:49 PM 08/11/2017

As the Google company has taught us this week, men and women are completely the same in every way. There is absolutely no difference whatsoever between the two sexes, and saying otherwise is a firing offense.* That's why it's great that the U.S. Navy has finally started allowing women to join their Sea, Air, and Land Teams. Now they just need to make it easier for those gals to keep up.

Obama Plotting To Rebuild Political Party He Ruined

10:49 AM 08/11/2017

As an Islamophobic torture-loving warmonger, I was a big fan of the first few seasons of 24. (Y'know, before Kiefer started looking like he was embarrassed and wanted to move on.) It was ridiculous, but I loved it. One of my favorite tropes was when Jack Bauer would get called on the carpet, and he'd bark something like: "Look, I know more about these bad guys than anybody. You gotta let me do this!" No matter how much death and destruction and chaos Bauer left in his wake, he was always the only guy who could fix things. It made sense from a TV production standpoint, because he was the star and they needed to keep up the frenetic pace of the show. But it strained credulity to the point where it became the funniest show on television.

Guam Homeland Security: ‘Do Not Look At The Flash Or Fireball’

9:00 AM 08/11/2017

At this point, I'm reacting to President Trump's bluster about "fire and fury" the same way I take everything else he says: I'll believe it when I see it. Maybe he means it. Maybe he just said whatever came off the top of his head, as he's been known to do from time to time. Whatever. I'm not going to panic over it. This isn't the first time an American president has warned North Korea not to mess with us.

Ossoff To Speak At Netroots About Winning Elections

11:19 AM 08/10/2017

Are you guys fired up for Netroots Nation this weekend? You know, Netroots? The annual lefty political conference that used to be known as YearlyKos, before they rebranded it because nobody really likes Markos Moulitsas? Yeah, that one. It's being held in Atlanta this year, and they're bringing in a local boy to help out.

Who’s Up For James Franco Arguing Against Abortion?

9:00 AM 08/10/2017

I'm not a big fan of James Franco's work, other than Freaks and Geeks and the first 20 minutes of Pineapple Express. But I've always kind of admired his eclectic interests. He doesn't let Hollywood tell him what "movie stars" should and shouldn't do, and he gets himself into all sorts of weird, esoteric stuff. He's a dilettante, but at least he actually seems to care about the things he dabbles in. His latest venture is a YouTube series called Philosophy Time, where he sits around with academics and kinda-sorta debates various topics for a few minutes. In one recent episode, he jumped right in and stomped on that third rail: abortion.

Atlanta Gym Posts Policy: ‘No F****** Cops’

12:52 PM 08/09/2017

If I ran a small business, I imagine I'd probably try to be on friendly terms with the local cops. Just seems like a good idea, from a business perspective. But the great thing about working for yourself is that you set the rules. You decide how you're going to generate bad publicity and alienate as many people as possible.