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Only One Man Could Possibly Save Bud Light

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A heated debate erupted in the Daily Caller offices Friday over the best way for Bud Light to save its reputation after becoming the most toxic brand in the country.

Bud Light and its entire leadership team became a parody of themselves after choosing a biological male brand ambassador who likes to play dress-up as a weird, non-existent version of a woman. Countless critics have come out against the brand after Bud Light utterly disrespected its core demographic of tough, cool, brilliant, hilarious, patriotic American men.

Kid Rock took a massive gun to a crate of the beers in a viral Twitter video. Newsmax “Frontline” host Carl Higbie blew away a leftover can from his farm in another brilliant video. During an interview on Higbie’s show in mid-May, former Republican Michigan gubernatorial candidate Tudor Dixon and I discussed various ways Bud Light could bring back their target demo, who now associate the brand with being pansy-ass, American-hating losers. (RELATED: Video Of Call Between John Daly And Donald Trump Discussing Putin And China Goes Viral)

I absolutely loved Dixon’s idea that we bring back hot chicks in bikinis. How about we also bring in the one man who defines America better than most: John Daly.

“The image of John Daly drinking a Bud Light in full cigarette smoking, beer belly sporting regalia would be the only thing that could sanitize the brand. It would be like washing Americans’ eyes out with holy water mixed with DMT, pure beauty incarnate. Bud Light would instantly be restored to its former glory,” Daily Caller legend Joel Gibbons said about making Daly the new face of Bud Light.

I then got way too excited and took it a step further: what if we got golf daddy John Daly, country music heroes Morgan Wallen, John Rich, every single hot girl who has ever been part Maxim, etc, and all of the other icons associated with being a bad ass patriot to rep Bud Light? Even better, Bud Light should donate at least $1 of every can sold to the National Rifle Association.

Everyone could stand in a line and say something like “this still isn’t great quality beer, but at least they’re finally protecting our freedoms from tyranny.”  Bud Light would sell out nationally in less than a day. (RELATED: John Daly Shares His Blunt Thoughts On Biden Voters, Clinton’s Golf Game)

I know I’d be way more inclined to buy a crate of that crap and drink it if I knew my money was going toward something good, and not just absolute woke, cringe, violence-against-children crap. Who are your favorite Americans who could bring Bud Light back from the dead?

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Neil Patel