Because, of course, this was Florida Man.
A man out of the Sunshine State who was wanted by police attempted to throw them off his trail by putting a huge sign outside his house that read, “Johnny Yates does NOT live here!!”
I’m not even kidding, and no, it didn’t work — shocker.
The 41-year-old Yates, who is facing charges of aggravated battery, false imprisonment and tampering from the Polk County Sheriff’s Office, was eventually arrested.
At around 2:45 p.m. Saturday, deputies arrived at Yates’ home in Lakeland after they received a tip about him being holed up inside, according to the sheriff’s office, which shared this information on Facebook.
“When the deputies arrived they noticed a note written on a dry-erase board in front of a window that said, ‘Johnny Yates does NOT live here!!'” read the post. “Gee…a dry-erase board never lied to us before—should we believe it?”
Here’s the story in its entirety directly from the Polk County Sheriff’s Office:
This is totally a classic “Florida Man” story, and of course, the cops ended up finding this man hiding in a modified chest of drawers.
And by the way, what kind of person do you have to be to have modified furniture sitting around your house, just in case you need to hide in it?
The kind of person whose name is Johnny Yates and has big signs in front of his house telling police that he “does NOT live here!!” while being wanted by said police, and then, on top of that, has the people in the house with him rat him out — that’s who. (RELATED: Watch Nun Tackle Environmental Activist Who Storms Church Construction Site)
Good God … can you honestly be more of a cringe loser?